Survey Said.... (Conclusion)

Hello my lovelies. Welcome to the much anticipated second half of the gender turnoffs! Today...my gentlemen callers....it is your turn. Before I get into it, I must say, I was a bit disappointed by the turnout. I had expected a larger number of women to hit me up, but alas, it wasn't to be. It was a decent turnout but considerably less than what I had expected #justsaying.
With that being said, shall we? I suppose we should.
It was pointed out to me that this gender turnoffs regarding men may be akin to flogging a dead horse or filling a sandpit with water using a teaspoon. Why? You may ask. Well, women of all ages always feel they can improve on something. We have been conditioned to be sponges, absorbing both the good and the bad. We are teachable and moldable. Men on the other hand, when they pass the age of 10, think they have life figured out so they don't see any need to change their methods. Well, we'll see about that, won't we?
Righto, let's go gentlemen.
So the ladies were surveyed. The question was the very same: what do you find unattractive in men and what would you consider a turnoff/absolute deal breaker? Gentlemen, it was like de ja vu. we have 6 winners!!!!!! *confetti in the air, and 'banger' sounds with fireworks*

Coming in at Number 1 with 26 votes.....it is ATTITUDE! And you thought we were the only ones with attitude problems! Pah!!!! Oh yes, some of you have stanky-ass attitudes too. You won't believe the things that I've had to group under attitude problems. One thing most women surveyed said they absolutely detest in men is ARROGANCE. I have been made to understand that there is a thin line between confidence and arrogance, and furthermore, it is men that have nothing to be arrogant about that end up being the most arrogant. Hmmmm.....that's fighting talk, ladies, but I find myself agreeing with you. Have you seen those arrogant shites wanting you to bow down and worship at their temple of BS??? Wanting you to be grateful because they are sharing the time they would otherwise have been using to scratch their balls, with you? I can't stand arrogant men. Whilst I can't stand wimps, I believe a man should have a level of 'cocky' about him, I refuse to put up with an over inflated puff fish of a man who thinks he is God's gift to women with a face that looks like it was run over by a lawnmower and needs a serious personality transplant. Puhlease!!!!! That's just one thing that was emphasised. Another serious problem women have with men is rudeness. You being rude to a girl, your girl, her friends and/or her family is not big, neither is it clever. As a guy, you really have no business with a girl's friends or her family. If they are getting on your nerves, speak to your girl and she should set them straight. You getting all up in their faces makes you an IDIOT. Another one is stingy men. Oh yes sir, they are out there, pinching pennies until the penny cries for mercy. Stingy koko, no one is telling you to shell out for every whim and caprices of a woman, but it would not kill you to spring for popcorn when you go to the movies or to buy birthday and christmas presents.  Another one is nosy men. Jehovah! A nosy man is a disgusting man. Where were you, who was there, what did you wear, what did you say and on and on. Are you kidding me? Mind your business asshole. Women talk.....a lot. You will eventually hear what it is she got up to and with who when she's good and ready. You quizzing her doesn't mean she won't keep sevcrets from you if that's what she wants to do. So instead of looking like a giant, nosy/jealous dickwad, maintan your God-given dignity and let her blurt out her mess. It is the best thing to do. Men that nag. Are you a market woman at Iddo?To conclude, we also have bad attitude including violence. Non- violent, non- violent, it is the Martin Luther-King way. Flexing your rabid muscles by shouting at and/or hitting a woman makes you the lowest of low despicable creatures. Roger that. FInally, we have laziness. If you're a lazy man, you're just useless #thatisall.   

     In joint first place are insincere men. It is unfortunate that men do not come with a warning on their foreheads or on the side of their asses that they are not sincere. It is a damn shame. Some of us could do with that warning. There is nothing worse than letting an insincere man into your life. These are the weaklings that lie, that cheat , that are not men of their words and on and on and blame their inadequacy on the fact that they are men. These are the men that before you say anything, they justify their  act and hit you with that famous line from James Brown’s song ‘babe, it is a man’s world’ most of you haven’t bothered to find out the conclusion of that verse which is ‘but it wouldn’t be  nothing without a woman or a girl’. Yes, my loves, that’s the conclusion of that verse. So in the end, it is not really a man’s world, is it? So stop blaming your inadequacies on your gender. We are all flawed, but nobody’s gender dictates that they should break promises or cheat. That’s a flaw in your person, not in your gender. It is a deal breaker for most women but the unfortunate thing is they don’t really find out about this flaw until much....much....later after very many lies.

In second place is personal hygiene. Yes you grubby beings. Men believe that being men is a licence to be dirty. I don’t understand who writes you people’s rule book. Being dirty is not ok. I have been in some men’s rooms (what I was doing there.....really not your concern. I was sha there) and you would swear  the entire room was a huge Petri-dish used for cultivating hitherto unknown bacteria. And not the good type. Men ARE dirty. It is a given. But that is not the only thing that qualifies as dirty in women’s book. The main of the main was bad oral hygiene. Hmmmmm.......it shows respect to a woman, if you pop a mint in your mouth before approaching her for a kiss. Some of you are just not cutting it in the fresh breath department. Some of y’all’s breath be kicking like karate, jujitsu, capoiera and a baby with hard white shoes, all rolled together. Dayuuummmm! Teiste a peiste ever so often, genrel men. Oh you do? Then I have another tip T I C T A C. You may be cute as hell, but if your breath smells like garbage on a hot day,  that’s just sad. In addition to the aforementioned, women think the following are just plain dirty and extra unattractive,  dirty nails (if you’re not a mechanic, then why?) long nails especially long pinky nails (again, why?) guys that don’t shave. We get it, you’re a man’s man, but take a razor to your extra hairy bits and pieces from time to time, so we don’t mistake you for that hairy guy in the Guiness Book of records, over worn boxers. Ewww.....if the smell on your boxers can grow feet and walk, there is something seriously wrong with you. I don’t get this tho. I’ve seen boxer packs, they usually come in twos or threes, wear one, wash one. You need to.  You retain smells in your usually ungroomed privates, do your lady a favour, wash your underwear before the smell of you alone causes her to go into rigor mortis. The same goes for you smelly feet freaks. That kills me. Keep your shoes outside. Feet funk is so bad, you can almost taste it. Smelly feet is definitely a no-no for me. If your feet smells like aged cheese, buy some foot stuff or keep it moving. A lifetime of that will cause me to off myself and we can’t have that.

In third place: Insecure men. Women hate you! We don’t want to be rocking you, whilst stroking your hair and shooshing you and reassuring you that you’re the only man in our lives. We don’t want to have to talk you down from a ledge when you see another guy looking at us. Man up! But insecurity manifests itself in different ways. My list includes, men that are threatened by successful women. You punks know you’re out there. The minute your wife gets a raise that pushes her 50 kobo higher than you, you can’t handle it and you begin to act out. Shame on you, I say. Men that can’t handle intelligent women. Your manhood is threatened when a woman has a firm grasp of politics. You would rather she was talking about Care Bears or Kim Kadashian because then she can’t stand toe to toe with you and all is right in your world. Men that want to be sure they were better than your ex. Rule of thumb, if I’m with you, you’ve won that battle. These guys make me sick, they begin to conduct sexual surveys about your sex life before them. Some women lie to make you sorry brothers feel better about yourselves. Don’t put me on blast. I suggest you don’t ask a woman that is fed up of that crap, her answer may just shock you. Men who feel they are inferior to certain women and would only talk to them when, by their own estimation, they have ‘arrived’. This happened to me once and I gave the guy a piece of the deep, dark, side of my mind. Men that size women up by asking stupid, test questions. If you let things follow their natural course, you will get the answers to your questions eitherways, but NOOOO, you must ask stupid questions like you work for Phillips Consulting ‘where do you see yourself in 5 years?’ ‘what are your career objectives?’ ‘if you could ask God for one thing, what would it be?’ My question: are you normal? Men like this irritate me and I know a few. Talking to them is a chore and you end up ignoring their pings/calls. Men that believe a woman is too independent.  Men that believe a woman’s place is shackled to the kitchen sink, you’re showing your ass sir, put some pants on. This is 2011 and that is ignorant. Obviously, it goes without saying that men who are controlling and obsessive, fall in this category.

In fourth place, is the big one. Sexual put offs. Oh yessir. Some of you are......SEXUALLY INADEQUATE. Shocking!!!!!!! All these men are walking around here believing that they are the shit. You’re some shit, alright. I’ve been asked to tell you that, if you can’t put out in bed, you are grossly unattractive. A list of problems include men believing all women are the same and conducting their sexual business the way they did with girl A with girl B. Newsflash, we are all very different. Take time to find out what pleases us, would you? It is very rewarding. Men who think, their thingy is the magic stick and by them bestowing it upon your vajayjay, you should convulse in pleasure. Buzzer Sound:WRONG. It has been scientifically proven that not up to 10% of women achieve climax by thrusting alone. We need other stimulation too. Someone should have told y’all that. Wandering the earth, believing in your own hype.Ta! Kissing: if you can’t do it right, BIG, BIG turn off. No body wants a wet vac, a dobberman, a shower, when being kissed. You should achieve the right balance between moist and dry. Let’s take it a step further, my cousin told me of a guy that licked her face. LICKED HER FACE! What are you? A cat? You have got to be kidding me!!! That would have signalled the end of that makeout session. But my cousin is on the nice side. Don’t go about shoving your tongues down people’s throats. There is a finesse and an art to kissing. Learn it.  Another problem is men who cannot control themselves. Specifically, men who give up the cookie at the slightest touch. By cookie, I mean cum. They have not even touched you, you’ve splattered all over the place. Shameful! Others are more diet related. Some people said they can’t stand smelly sperms. You hate fishy Ps, well, we hate smelly sperm. Some ladies said small ‘equipments’. They can’t stand the sight of small dick men acting like they don’t know that thing is small. I was told to suggest Yem-Kem potions as a solution for y’all; smally and stinky. Also, peruse the internet for other solutions. Another sexual problem is men that conduct sexual surveys after the deed is done. ‘How was it for you?’ If it was great, there would be absolutely no need to ask that stupid question. Your neighbours would have known it was great.

In fifth place is outward perception/presentation. How men present themselves, subconsciously is a problem. A fore runner is men that always touch/grab their package. We know you have a package there. There is no need to touch it every minute to ensure that it hasn’t disappeared. You don’t see us putting our hands down there and taking a whiff, do you? Won’t you be put off by a woman that does that? Well we are also put off by you pseudo-masturbating in front of us. Some women and I’m one of them, hate bejewelled men. Men that go through the same amount of rituals as us in getting ready to go out, chain, earring, handchain, anklet sef. What was specifically mentioned is barely there necklaces aka chokers, on men. If your name is not Bingo, then you don’t need a collar. Why would a man wear a choker, I ask you? Over groomed men are also a problem. Metro-sexual men, we like. Take pride in your outward appearance but not too much pride. Shapened/over-shapened eyebrows anyone? Don’t you just vomit a little bit in your mouth when you encounter men with shaped eyebrows? I know I do. Whilst skinny jeans is now a trend amongst the men ( I do not know why tho) it is not for everyone. If you find yourself muffin-topping over a pair of skinny jeans, remove that article from the pit of hell before you subject yourself to unbelievable ridicule. If not, the girl pointing at you, whilst convulsing in laughter will be me. Pretend forne on a girl is disgusting, on a boy.....i’m lost for words..... It is puke inducing.

Finally, misc. Women find  these unattractive:

·        Men that have no interest in sports. We just can’t trust you and we are secretly wondering if you’re gay. We said interest, not that we should become football, basket ball, tennis or nascar widows

·        Men that are Slowtards. That is slow + retard rolled into one. Always the last to get the joke, cannot converse. A guy that is an air head is worse than a girl that is an air head. Women don’t have the luxury of being bowled over by a pretty guy. That’s a man’s forte. We were not built to know what to do with an air head.

·        Some people mentioned guys that can’t dance. I thought it was strange. But apparently, it shows that you’re sure footed and confident.

Well, this wraps up the Survey Said segment on CherryChatter. Hope you enjoyed it and it proved somewhat helpful.