Friday, May 11, 2012

Side chicks be winning!

I know!! Me sef, I was shocked when my fingers typed the topic! But a spate of recent and not so recent events are indications that side chicks have been getting one over all of us and having the last laugh.

As against being a side chick as I am, it is clear that these girls are not retarded dummies as I had previously thought. They have a plan and they are committed to said plan, come rain or sunshine.

Main chicks have long been content and complacent because they have the title "main" in front of their own chick. Like a chubby-chaser systematically feeding his spouse to death and telling her she's beautiful at 1000 kg, boyfriends encourage complacency and contentment by calling you things like wifey, iyawo mi etc. That awesome feeling when you know you have centre stage in someone's life. Bliss.

#soundofglassshattering. That's your bliss shattered and scattered all over the floor. Enters the side chick. You know her; that girl that sticks around and just will.not.leave. Main chicks have long be uppity and smug. They are 'the' ones. It is a position of power. Mummy knows you and your mum, the sister gets back from jand and brings you shoes, you're in good with grandma etc. This position is really elevated and you can't help but look down on the pathetic excuse of a human being known as the side chick. She's scum. She's lower than the gum that's stuck to the bottom of your jand shoes. You heap all your scorn on her and rightly so. You were chased, wooed and desired from day one, and here she is busy serving herself up on a platter of gold and is willing to take any crumb your man deems fit to throw at her.  Has she no shame?? She's disgusting!

Some of you know of the side chick, some of you are oblivious to her existence.  Those that know her may not know her by her official title i.e. side chick , she may have been introduced to you under cover. The favored disguise is the 'best friend' disguise. To some, she's just a girl that hung around your boyfriend who has sworn on ogun, sango and obatala that there's nothing going on between them. At first, you found her cute. Remember, you would tease your boyfriend mercilessly about her. Saying things like "how's that your babe sef"? And he never found it funny. It probably ended there for some. For some others, the cuteness grew into mild irritation and panic "why is she always hanging about and calling?" she must know he has a girlfriend, right? Eventually, that will blossom into outright disgust. You may even get your girls and go to her house and get physical with her. But guess what? She's still there.

See, the strength of the side chick lies in something very simple: she doesn't need perks; she doesn't want to be introduced to his parents...she hates parents! She just wants your man and she will do anything, say anything, be anything to get him.

And her super power? I hear you ask, simples: Devotion.

 Main chicks, this is where you are completely lacking. Main chicks feel so entitled so they sometimes act like brats. The name for this smesme is Drama. As a main chick, you believe he ought to remember what he went through to win your heart in the first place, all the work he put in stalking your sister and your friends, all the money and time he expended just to be with you. He wouldn't want to throw that down the drain. When he annoys you, you just let it rip! Who has time for rubbish? You lash out and put him in his place. The two of you will beg yourselves later.  Side chicks on the other hand.....annoyance ke? ki lo n je be? wetin be that? Even when he is clearly in the wrong, she is contrite and apologetic straight away. If na correct yoruba babe wey grandma train, one...two...she's on her knees. The butty side chick is sending ice cream factory double chocolate muffins to his office cos she knows they are his favorite and blowing up his phone; begging. Main chick, on the other hand, is keeping malice.

A side chick's best friend is heart break. She's almost immune to it. Your man breaks her heart every single day when she calls and he can't talk cos he's with you.  And when you're the side chick, old dude gives it to you straight. Hiding and subterfuge is only for Madam. She takes it on the chin  and overlooks everything in the interest of the long term goal. She knows how to play the game and she's a team player for Team Your Boo. She consoles herself with things like 'he didn't mean it' or 'he's having a bad day' or 'she (that's you btw) is stressing him'. Main chicks do not play that mess o jare. They may overlook some things but they have a bullshit quota system and once you use up your quota, you're getting it in the nads with a side of guilt. Gotta love main chick's ability to guilt trip.

It seems like a lot of work just to be with a person that was never yours in the first place but she's willing to put in the work for the eventual pay off. See we women underestimate the power of dedicated devotion and how it makes a man feel. It may start off irritating but gradually, men begin to warm up to it and then it is curtains for Mrs. Main Chick and she wouldn't even know what hit her.

Practical Example: my sister gave me one gist last week that inspired this post. Her car pool driver told her about how he ended up marrying his wife. He had been dating another woman for years and his family really liked her. She lived in Ghana so he was shuttling between Ghana and Nigeria. His present wife was his 'friend'. The Ghanaian babe had gone to beat up the current wife in the past. But she still insisted on being his friend (what a lovely person) The Ghanaian babe had always had a temper but once he started being very friendly with his friend, he started to notice it more and more. In the end, he just felt there was no need for him to condone her drama when he had a perfectly nice friend who wanted to be more than friends so he gave Miss Ghana the boot (Nigeria 1- Ghana 0). The Ghanaian babe knew that the side chick in this story was a threat to her and went to arrange the babe. If you did not have an ulterior motive as a woman, when another woman comes to arrange you, won't you back off on that note?

The side chick in this story, had a goal and she stuck around to see it to fruition. Now that's what I call determination. People like me and my cousin will be talking about how we have self respect and no time for drama meanwhile side chicks have tossed all self- respect to the wind and are now sporting huge blings on their ring finger.

So to the side chicks who have won the war and those still in the struggle; I have no choice but to salute you. Being a side chick is no mean feat yet you have managed to create art out of what others perceive as  low-lifeitude and esteem problems. Well done.

P.S. eyin ololufe mi, my lovers, my sweeties, my honies esp. HoneyDame, please forgive my tardiness and my computer's effrontery to put up an empty post. I will behave better in the future and be on top of my blog game. Sowi!


  1. LMAO...walai, I am choking on my watermelon here.....choi!!!! This is really true sha! But frankly, what's a main chick to do in this kind of situation?! See Miss Ghana now, she went the whole 9 yards, arranging Miss Nigeria, yet that did not work. I guess the deeper issues came to play sha. Whatever the case, more oil to Miss Side kick's elbow and much more oil to the real Miss Main's elbow to counter it.

    LMAO @ ur P.S. , you know I kent binu for you. you are forgiven...:D

  2. There's a difference between being a side piece (who is knowingly messing with someone else's man for whatever reason) and just being a friend who may be waiting in the wings for the "madam" title.

    Anywho, side pieces might SOMETIMES win the battle, but they rarely if ever win the war! The same nonsense they were doing to claim the #1 spot, will be the same thing the next side piece will be doing as well. The percentage of men who cheat because the side piece is actually something special is slim to none in comparison to the percentage of men that cheat because they're selfish a-holes.

  3. i cant stop laughing. o ma ga o *in Tiwa savage's voice* Main chics BEWARE o.cant wait to find out what the next post will be about.

  4. @HoneyDame: In line with Steven Harvey's 'Act like a lady, think like a man' tenet, Madam Main Chick has another duty now, Act like a lady, scheme like a side chick and think like a man. Abi? What else? Miss Ghana arranging Miss Nigeria was definitely not smart. You that they want to burn that is now using oil to rub her body. She helped Miss Nigeria look like a decent human being who was attacked for no reason at all and it turned her man against her. Miss Nigeria, even if she didn't know it, was scheming all along.

    @Lady Ngo: I think stating that one is a side piece and one is a friend waiting in the wings is just splitting hairs. They both have the same motive; because one is more upfront than the other does not negate motive. so I have knowingly put them under the same umbrella. On your second point, I think that's just morality speaking. We want the world to be a certain way where 'bad' people get their comeuppance. Sometimes, it never happens because that's the way life is. I however, completely agree with your conclusion sha. Lol. Thanks for the comment luv.

    @SpicyChick 05: it is about time you commented on this blog. Shior!

    Thanks for the comments ladies.

  5. Loooool!!!
    Now scrutinizing 'you know who' for sign of a side chic!
    But seriously though, 'main chics' need to be extremely vigilant. These girls aren't smiling o!


  6. Na wa oooo.... All in a bid to land a 'husband'

  7. Nawa oh..Na real "Na you I go marry" Serious thing..Love your blog..

  8. i'm a guy.4 writin this, God will bless u. I don tire 4 girlfriend drama. I'm single and seriously searchn bt after seein what my friends go thru in d name of boyfriend,i'm ok being single.

  9. ℓ☺ℓ, deep insight.. God bless you :) ı decided halfway that ı'll take a side chick and dump the gf. I'm a guy..

  10. Its simple.. Main Chicks get 2 comfy way 2 easy. The side chick is always on her toes... Hw much persuading will d dude be able run from, even wth all d drama from d main chick... 1day he will budge... All we can do is try 4 wot its worth.. b

  11. This is scary...I just met a guy who goes on n on about his relationship with his galfriend been in d pits but they communicate daily!!he says she's no threat to me! Thinking of dating him so does that make me d main chic or side chic or a gal wit no title sef??

    1. Sowi to bust ur bubble dearie, u r a side chic, plain nd simple. You can work wit dat and hope u win or u can jst run for dear life. And I be guy so I suppose knw.

  12. As a man having been with a "main chic" for years I can tell you dem get drama, haba, wetin? Just cos your man is always there for you and your bullshit don't mean if you walked he wouldn't get some some somewhere else na! Devotion is everything, that's why kids love their parents unconditionally(ideally)cos you know they are devoted to you thick and thin, no drama. Maybe main chics should learn that a bit.

  13. If two people are happy, leave them alone! Remember, karma is the ultimate bitch!

  14. This is a serious something o! So while gf's be forming, side chics be winning? gen gen

    You have been tagged in the Elevens. Please check my blog for details

  15. Lol at the new comments. It was not my intention to create paranoia in people's relationships or to put you on the path to giving up main for side. Always remember the 80/20 rule. Side might look good now, but make her main and she may be worse than the previous miss main. Ladies, this was just a heads up; know what the other side is thinking and what strategies they may employ. See if you can search within yourself and find anything to alter for the better.
    @Yewie; lol. O je ma pa ara e
    @ @ilola; yes o. Marriage (not love) is now the most coveted thing for most young women
    @Unveiling Gold. Thank you. I will be checking you out as well
    @Kimqhc. Amen. God bless you too. Don't be put off by the drama. A good woman is worth waiting for and fighting with and for. Trust me
    @Zeus; thanks for stopping by dear. P.S: read general disclaimer above
    @Bazukaajoe; I agree with you
    @mizbee; pls take Tunde's advice. Full disclosure is paramount. He can't have his cake and eat it too
    @ Tunde, thanks for stopping by and contributing
    @Anon1;She may think she's being devoted. Open her eyes to ways she can improve on herself. That's how to be in love and with someone
    @Anon2; you're right
    @Toinlicious; Thanks for the tag.

    Thank you all for stopping by.

  16. LMAO...but has it occurred to anyone that this is a vicious circle. if side chic wins, she becomes a main chic and then another side chic will show

  17. This post is the truth... but side chics be winning cos deep down men like that subservient ish, and we all know they worse dan women and gossip like 5 yr old girls feeding side chic wit all d information she needs to become main chic by bitching about his main chic...its not rocket science jisaying!

    If you tell me all thats wrong in ur relationship i just gotta do the opposite no be so?( not advocate for side chicing o, just being realistic)

    Also, side chics dat become main chics have their game on point no stupid cycle is continuing until she tired of that phase she in( i.e the man)....she knows how she got that man... she not deluded he is in love, best believe she be keeping up appearances.

    To be clear: SIDE CHICS DAT TURN MAIN, REMAIN MAIN CHICS FOR HOWEVER LONG THEY WANT!!! we not talking accidental side chic that didn't even know she was side chic or convenient side chic o.... we talking angelina jolie side chic ( is it 3 kids n counting? tell me where brad de go until she free am! cycle ko cycle ni) e ma tan ara yin! Karma is a bitch cos it doesn't get those it is meant to get, you wud know if u were good and got burnt everytime u did sumthing even a tiny bit bad.( like steal meat from pot n spend d nite in the toilet)

  18. @Jissaying: You literally took the comment out of my brain! We women need to stop waiting for Karma to do all the dirty work and heavy lifting for us and become proactive in the issues that concern us. Karma takes too long to catch up with people. There are a lot of home wreckers living in complete bliss right now. Why? Cos their Karma Card is not full yet. Become more involved in sustaining your relationship. Ask God for guidance and help because most times, we can't work with Karma's time table.
    @ Brimming: See @Jissaying's comment for my thoughts on the issue. Lol.

    Thanks for the comments

  19. LMAO!!! I don't even know what to say but please I'm too possesive to fathom being a side chic plus I don't know how to shut up when he's clearly in the wrong.. I'll pass thank you. :D

  20. This is a Cherry Classic!! If i were a boy...I'll be marrying that side chic faster than you can say 'Cherrykoko' if main chic isnt showing me some appreciation joo.

  21. I'm getting you.. Sometimes I feel like I am a better friend than girlfriend.. Cause when I get in there, all sorts of drama-tic traits that I didn't even know existed rear their ugly heads. FATHER save me!!

  22. Wow...y'all are some really nasty pieces of shit...why would you go for a loser that's disrespecting his woman, who is probably going to disrespect you, when you can have a friend with benefit? If it's your idea of a good time to fuck with someone else's man you need to check yourself in therapy. How desperate do you have to be? How sad people lack that much self respect for themselves and don't think they deserve anything better. How pathetic it is to fight over a man who is probably fucking more than just you and his main chick. Have fun contracting aids or some other std:) trashy hoes will be hoes. No wonder relationships don't last. What an ignorant, poorly written article.


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