Sunday, May 29, 2011

Birthday Blues

 It was my birhday 3 days ago, 26th of May.  I'm a birthday person. I love birthdays, mine and everybody's. But in the run up to this particular birthday, I was a bit depressed because inspite of the baby face and little stature, I cannot deny that I'm getting old. This is not even about the age thing. I've just been wondering where the time went! Just the other day, I was, I'm 2....! Shocking!!

The days before the birthday, I started wondering what was making me so mortifyingly afraid of this birthday. I wasn't feeling any older, my bones weren't creaking, nothing of the sort. Then it hit me.....I was scared because I hadn't done a lot of things I thought I would have done by this age. I wasn't married, I didn't have kids, I'm yet to own and operate my own business, I still don't own my own house on the island etc. That freaked me out. I talked to a friend about this and he was trying to draw my attention to the things I actually had achieved eg my academic achievements. I wasn't having none of that. They were not achievements as far as I was concerned. Everyone has some sort of qualification. I happen to have 4 but my profession demands it. So that didn't help to brighten my countenance.

I just really wanted the day to be as delayed as possible. Then I wanted it to come and go quickly I went through all the motions in getting ready for my birthday; I got my hair fixed, I did my nails (I may be getting old but no way was I going to be looking tore up from the floor up) ordered some food etc but I still wasn't as excited as I was for past birthdays. I'm an old woman and I was begining to realise it. An old woman with a lot of unrealised goals and too many stand up comedy series. Oh the great depression!!!!

Two days to my birthday, I had an ephiphany: all those unrealised goals were set by a 16 years old me..... the me that read too many mills and boon novels, hated my parents, recorded my music off of Ray Power radio station, thought black nail polish was the height of being fashion forward and whose only heart desire was to be allowed to wear an anklet. That girl didn't know a damn thing about the real world. She was a giant dick head. The one thing I had going for myself at 16 was that I had a dream. It was a good dream because it helped me do what was required of me to scale through life. Yes, there are things that have remained undone and unaccomplished but I am getting there. I realised that as my friend pointed out, I have accomplished a great deal. I'm grateful for the life I've been fortunate to live.I am indeed very proud of myself and my accomplishments and I have faith in what tomorrow is bringing my way.

So, having had a moment of clarity, I looked forward to my birthday with my usual expectant anticipation. And you know what? I had a blast!!! My sister and brother treated me to a trip to Ghana, the people in my new office gave me a lovely cake, I had an out of town surprise, I had a couple of lovely presents, I smoked shisha with a bunch of amazing friends and I went out and danced the night away. It was an amazing night. Unfortunately, the next day was a friday. I turned up for work ready to bitchslap anyone who gave me grief. Ah, it is not like it used to be. I am really getting old and I can't do a lot of going out the night before and turning up for work the next day. But this birthday helped me come to some realizations and appreciations about and for myself and helped me face up to certain realities. Things could be better but they are not terible right now. I am living and enjoying life.


  1. LOL at feeling like an old woman. I think there's sumn terrifying about approaching thirty that makes people feel like they are getting old. Like u said, thise so-called unachieved goals were set by a 16yr old u. It oesnt man u wont still achieve them at your own pace..xoxo

  2. Babe, i can totally relate with u on this one. I felt exactly like this just last month, in short, i cried so hard on my birthday cos i felt i had not achieved a lot. No one could comfort me. But i have decided to take each day as it comes. Hope u had a blast though! here's hoping those achievements get 'achieved' sooner than we think.

    and yeah, i am a new fan to ur blog. Keep it coming girl!

  3. @ KitKat *massive hug*
    @ Dasu yay!!!! Welcome to the blog. thanks for the comment
    thanks for stopping by guys

  4. Oh that's so cool! Happy birthday is arrears (long overdue lol). Glad you're thinking this way about getting older. I periodically get depresssed about stuff like this too, but i'm realizing that everything is for a reason and we've accomplished a lot :D


  5. After high skool few ppl get into the reality of life, some sooner than others,while some are still in the dark. We beginning to list our Goals, achievement and what we want from life within the shortest time possible. Loads of ppl dint make it thru uni, some dint even get the chance to go. Some died along the way , some many stories. Involvement with drugs, wrong decisions that can change the course of their lives but here u are doing good with yourself, really good. You might not have your house on the island yet but you've got a good start and this just the beginning. Life to most is a race but at the end on the day you find out the only person you are in a race with is yourself. Look on the bright side, your are alive, in good health and you've got a family that loves you dearly so do your frens. Take each day as it comes not focusing on what u don't yet have but on that which you have. So as u've turned 16 again lol have a wonderful 365 days and I hope this puts a smile on your face again.

  6. Thanks for the birthday wishes, Adiya. Getting old is......well, not worth getting depressed over. I'm so sick of it's inevitability. Thanks for your comment , Anon. It did put a smile on my face (plus I think I can guess who you are) . As always, thanks for stopping by folks.


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