Today, I'll be talking about dating.
I've been on (pitifully) few dates in the last couple of years. I have shared in the past how much I hate First Dates BUT I have now come to the realisation that I hate ALL dating...period. First, second, third, fourth...whatever. I used to be excited for dates - planning what to wear, wondering where I'll going, what the guy'll be like etc. I hit my thirties and dating and everything associated with it became a woeful chore. I don't know how it happened. But it did.
A friend of mine got married earlier in the year. We were talking about the man she got married to and how they met. They go waaaaay back to when we were teenagers. They lost touch and reconnected like 2 years ago. During the discussion, she hypothesised that at our age, the chances of meeting and getting married to new people were quite slim and it was most likely that we wind up with people already in our circle. Well...maybe. I agree with the premise and conclusion...to some extent (and feel free to weigh in).
It's become increasingly harder to meet and connect with new people...mainly because I don't wanna. I'd rather be in bed tweeting inane things but that's my mother's definition of grieving the Holy Spirit. But I've found myself lacking the patience required for these things. Please dear friends who try to set me up, I love you for trying. This is not an indictment on your efforts and I will not spit in your faces by refusing to go on dates when asked. It is just haaaaaaarrrrddddd. The effort one has to put in sef! The sussing each other out. The appearing to be a sane person when all I want to do is lapse into Yoruba and pick my nose. The being polite even in the face of foolishness so my yards of wife material are not compromised. The realisation that the thing is going nowhere because..."it's like this one's head is not correct". The whole thing is pants.
My feelings towards dating kinda proves my friend's theory though. I find the process of getting to know someone new extremely exhausting. Like I said in my former post, I want to be at like date 20, where I'm extremely comfortable. I want to skip a trillion steps ahead. It'll just be easier to date someone who's known you for time...warts and all. They are making a somewhat educated decision to date your bonkers ass. The new guy gets to meet a representative of you. No matter how real you "keeps" it, it is guaranteed that on the first couple of dates, it is not your real face you show to your date. Therein lies the problem for me. I'v been single so long that I've gotten super comfortable with my real face and like it a lot. The whole dating song and dance requires bringing out my semi-fake date face from retirement. It's too much of a hassle jare. I barely have the patience for other people's fake date faces either. I spend the date sort of trying to work out their real face. It's a fun game and one of the only reasons I go on dates these days. I appear like I'm listening with rapt attention but I'm basically wondering how you murder a chicken drum stick when no one is there while the poor dude is daintily eating the chicken with fork and knife. Yinmu.
The last date I went on was a significant pointer to how over dates I was. We went on two dates and put a bullet in the whole shebang. That's the beauty of being older, I guess. No need to form "let's see where this is going". We both decided that going on further dates would be a waste of both our time and his money. It felt like my fake date face was broken. I couldn't pull it together to even convince myself that I was doing great so I bet he saw right through the nonsense too. He was no picnic either and as such, we called it.
So the second half of my friend's theory is dating someone in one's circle. That's laughable for me. I've sort of taken a look around the circle. Yeah...no. Don't get me wrong, I know a lot of great guys BUT they're either married, in a relationship, we've already given it a shot, we will NEVER give it a shot etc. So that's not looking immediately feasible unless someone surfaces out of nowhere that wasn't in my contemplation to begin with. But I feel like I'd really like that. You know, dating someone who has known me for time. The surprises would be limited. When you hear me chewing ice crim-crim like plantain chips, you will not be shook. You'll just know it's my way. I don't want to have to ease someone into that experience. I think this is why social media dating and marriage is on the rise...it's meeting someone new but you've already met their minds and even their likeness in some cases (awon oni "noods") and you like what you see. It makes it easier to ease into the dating process because you've already skipped several steps. Anyways, we'll see sha.
Till then, all I know is that dating is currently a sweat inducing nightmare for me.
What are your thoughts on dating?