Friday, July 29, 2016

The Vilification of the Singlets

So I'm back to blogging ( You all know how I suffered a serious writers block, lack of passion, yada yada yada and I'm trying to crawl my way back. But since you lot are not my therapists or anything else, I'd like to welcome you back to the blog after the long-ish absence once again (you know, like they do in church) and get right into the post.

So if you belong to any caucus on the interweb (Facebook, twitter, etc), one or more of the following must have flashed across your screen from time to time:

1. All men are shit (please who raised know what..nvm)

2.Men should be spending the entirety of their salaries on women (and their friends) otherwise they are not worth it (are you an insane know what..nvm)

3. Women should be chained to the stove whipping up delicious treats or you've just played yourself for marrying (were you starved to death as a know what...nvm)

4. All women are THOTS (is your mother not a know what...nvm)

5. If religious tenets differ, it's ok to commit murder to bring people to your way of thinking (but then, they will be dea.. you know what..nvm)

6. Other people's sexuality is a collective concern and anything not agreed with must be stopped by any means necessary (is your own private part know what...nvm)

7. {insert any political mumbo jumbo of your choosing here}

8. The world is going to hell in a handbasket.

I think that's a sufficiently good recap of the last couple of months on social media. Let me know in the comments below if I left anything out.

All of the foregoing are extremely worthy of debate but today, I thought I'd talk about a topic that is an oldie...but always a goodie.

In the greatest hits of ignorance about women and our lives, I bring you the Never Listen To Your Single Friends jam. This hit single has always been in rotation but I think it was remixed in the 90's and digitally remastered in the Noughties.

Men would hang out with their single friends all day and get up to God knows what, come home to their women and a conversation like this ensues:

W: Where have you been?
M: I was hanging out with the guys
W: I know. Where?
M: Here. There. Everywhere.
W: Chika told me she saw...
M: I told you not to be listening to those your single, bitter friends. How can Chika be telling you anything about us? Stop listening to these chicks, they want what you got!!!!!
W: It's true o! Even my mother has told me not to be listening to these my single friends. 


Here's the thing about it though. I don't understand (and please educate me if you do) what it is about being in a relationship that makes one wiser and what it is about being single that scientifically makes you dumber. It's interesting that this seed of discord has been sown and has become so deeply rooted that women are now so suspicious of each other. Who came up with this concept of all single women being bitter, lonely and evil? Especially 'bitter'?
That is some Art of War level strategy right there. Divide and conquer. Us v. Them. It is however, a most idiotic concept but bare women buy into this crap. Are there crappy women who would take your relationship miseries and gloat over it or even use that information to scuttle your relationship to their advantage? Heck freaking yeah. But that's a "rotten person" thing, not a general "woman" thing.

Growing up, our mothers drummed it into us that people are not really to be trusted and we must keep our cards close to our respective chests. I agree with this assertion in part and disagree in part. 

Most women are conversational creatures with an innate need to talk, share, cry and hug things out. Having a key network for these purposes is critical. I often say we are allowed to choose our friends because we can't choose our families. Some friends have become blood and they form part of this critical network. By associating with certain people for a long time, you can make an educated guess as to who to trust with issues and who to avoid; married or single. 

Can I be controversial and say that some of the worst advice I've heard or been given came from married women? It's true. They tend to project what they are enduring in their homes or how they handle their affairs on unsuspecting women and put same forth as gospel. No two lives are alike just like snowflakes (who had the time to examine snowflakes and determine know what...nvm) So a one size fits all approach to giving advice on relationships is absolute pants. This therefore leads me to reiterate that you can't talk to any and every one about the things that affect your life. 

My friends know the deal; let's talk, then let's pray. I always consider it a huge honour and a great responsibility when my advice is sought so I don't just froth at the mouth and say rubbish, we must seek the counsel of the Only Wise God. I listen and proffer suggestions not because I want to jump in and scuttle their relationship because of my bad belle lack of man but because I care. My advice is provided with a proviso: This is what I think. And after we talk, I ask to pray with you. The point of the prayer is to seek the counsel of the Holy Spirit. I am but flesh and blood, I have provided an opinion but the ONLY person that can lead you aright is the Holy Spirit, so it is important that we commit all to Him. If I know before hand that I am seeing a friend that needs a shoulder to cry on, I pray in advance for God to use me AND we still pray after for the aforestated reason. That's my strategy. 

This idea that experience in marriage is the only thing that qualifies you to speak on marriage is such a silly thing. Experience is not necessarily wisdom. Experience might be the best teacher but it is not the only teacher. Experience is the knowledge of an event going through or being involved in it.  It doesn't only mean going trough it as an actor. I may not be married but I've been raised as part of a relatively happy home for thirty odd years, THAT is my experience, for now. So I do have one or two things to contribute to the marriage discourse, thank you very much. In Proverbs 14:1 we are told of a foolish woman who tears down her home with her own hands. This leads me to know that there are also foolish married women and that wisdom is not the sole purview of a class of women due to their marriage circumstances. 

So to end this rant on the vilification of my constituents; The Singlets, I have this to say: it is unfair to bash single women as unwise, jealous and inherently evil. This stems from the "I'm married, so I'm better than you" debate which I think I've touched on, on this blog and have no interest in going into right now. This divisiveness is silly. I've never seen it play out among the male specie. Advise is just what it is; advise. You are not compelled to take it. Instead of lumping all single women in a bucket, how about you try discernment? Conduct an exercise where you ascertain who is who in your life. This helps you to know who to miss with the serious stuff. Discernment for me, is one of those things you develop in the presence of God through prayer by the leading of the Holy Spirit. That's the easy way. The hard way is to get burnt once (hopefully not too badly) by a disloyal friend so you can put them in the "keep for social purposes" or "discard" bucket. This is hard because you literally have to wait for all your friends to show you their true colours and hope that at the end of the day, they've not burnt off the important parts of your life with their disloyalty. Choose whichever way works for you. 

In closing, one class is not better than the other. You just need to surround yourself with better people. Next week I go back to being my light and breezy self. 

Enjoy your weekend. 


  1. is well. I just mind my single to stupor business before someone will accuse me of bitterness.

  2. " Who came up with this concept of all single women being bitter, lonely and evil? Especially 'bitter'?"

    Men did, it's a divide and conquer matter, since it's only your single friends that will be spotting them out with so and so, doing so and so.


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