I know!! Me sef, I was shocked when my fingers typed the topic! But a
spate of recent and not so recent events are indications that side
chicks have been getting one over all of us and having the last laugh.
As against being a side chick as I am, it is clear that these girls are not retarded dummies as I had previously thought. They have a plan and they are committed to said plan, come rain or sunshine.
Main chicks have long been content and complacent because they have the
title "main" in front of their own chick. Like a chubby-chaser
systematically feeding his spouse to death and telling her she's
beautiful at 1000 kg, boyfriends encourage complacency and contentment
by calling you things like wifey, iyawo mi etc. That awesome feeling
when you know you have centre stage in someone's life. Bliss.
#soundofglassshattering. That's your bliss shattered and scattered all
over the floor. Enters the side chick. You know her; that girl that
sticks around and just will.not.leave. Main chicks have long be uppity and smug. They are 'the' ones. It is a position of power. Mummy knows you and your mum, the sister gets back from jand and brings you shoes, you're in good with grandma etc. This position is really elevated and you can't help but look down on the pathetic excuse of a human being known as the side chick. She's scum. She's lower than the gum that's stuck to the bottom of your jand shoes. You heap all your scorn on her and rightly so. You were chased, wooed and desired from day one, and here she is busy serving herself up on a platter of gold and is willing to take any crumb your man deems fit to throw at her. Has she no shame?? She's disgusting!
Some of you know of the side chick, some of you are oblivious to her existence. Those that know her may not know her by her official title i.e. side chick , she may have been introduced to you
under cover. The favored disguise is the 'best friend'
disguise. To some, she's just a girl that hung around your boyfriend
who has sworn on ogun, sango and obatala that there's nothing going on
between them. At first, you found her cute. Remember, you would tease
your boyfriend mercilessly about her. Saying things like "how's that
your babe sef"? And he never found it funny. It probably ended there
for some. For some others, the cuteness grew into mild irritation and
panic "why is she always hanging about and calling?" she must know he
has a girlfriend, right? Eventually, that will blossom into outright
disgust. You may even get your girls and go to her house and get
physical with her. But guess what? She's still there.
See, the strength of the side chick lies in something very simple: she doesn't need perks; she doesn't want to be introduced to his parents...she hates parents! She just wants your man and she will do anything, say anything, be anything to get him.
And her super power? I hear you ask, simples: Devotion.
Main chicks, this is where you are completely lacking. Main chicks feel so entitled so they sometimes act like brats. The name for this smesme is Drama. As a main chick, you believe he ought to remember what he went through to win your heart in the first place, all the work he put in stalking your sister and your friends, all the money and time he expended just to be with you. He wouldn't want to throw that down the drain. When he annoys you, you just let it rip! Who has time for rubbish? You lash out and put him in his place. The two of you will beg yourselves later. Side chicks on the other hand.....annoyance ke? ki lo n je be? wetin be that? Even when he is clearly in the wrong, she is contrite and apologetic straight away. If na correct yoruba babe wey grandma train, one...two...she's on her knees. The butty side chick is sending ice cream factory double chocolate muffins to his office cos she knows they are his favorite and blowing up his phone; begging. Main chick, on the other hand, is keeping malice.
A side chick's best friend is heart break. She's almost immune to it. Your man breaks her heart every single day when she calls and he can't talk cos he's with you. And when you're the side chick, old dude gives it to you straight. Hiding and subterfuge is only for Madam. She takes it on the chin and overlooks everything in the interest of the long term goal. She knows how to play the game and she's a team player for Team Your Boo. She consoles herself with things like 'he didn't mean it' or 'he's having a bad day' or 'she (that's you btw) is stressing him'. Main chicks do not play that mess o jare. They may overlook some things but they have a bullshit quota system and once you use up your quota, you're getting it in the nads with a side of guilt. Gotta love main chick's ability to guilt trip.
It seems like a lot of work just to be with a person that was never yours in the first place but she's willing to put in the work for the eventual pay off. See we women underestimate the power of dedicated devotion and how it makes a man feel. It may start off irritating but gradually, men begin to warm up to it and then it is curtains for Mrs. Main Chick and she wouldn't even know what hit her.
Practical Example: my sister gave me one gist last week that inspired this post. Her car pool driver told her about how he ended up marrying his wife. He had been dating another woman for years and his family really liked her. She lived in Ghana so he was shuttling between Ghana and Nigeria. His present wife was his 'friend'. The Ghanaian babe had gone to beat up the current wife in the past. But she still insisted on being his friend (what a lovely person) The Ghanaian babe had always had a temper but once he started being very friendly with his friend, he started to notice it more and more. In the end, he just felt there was no need for him to condone her drama when he had a perfectly nice friend who wanted to be more than friends so he gave Miss Ghana the boot (Nigeria 1- Ghana 0). The Ghanaian babe knew that the side chick in this story was a threat to her and went to arrange the babe. If you did not have an ulterior motive as a woman, when another woman comes to arrange you, won't you back off on that note?
The side chick in this story, had a goal and she stuck around to see it to fruition. Now that's what I call determination. People like me and my cousin will be talking about how we have self respect and no time for drama meanwhile side chicks have tossed all self- respect to the wind and are now sporting huge blings on their ring finger.
So to the side chicks who have won the war and those still in the struggle; I have no choice but to salute you. Being a side chick is no mean feat yet you have managed to create art out of what others perceive as low-lifeitude and esteem problems. Well done.
P.S. eyin ololufe mi, my lovers, my sweeties, my honies esp. HoneyDame, please forgive my tardiness and my computer's effrontery to put up an empty post. I will behave better in the future and be on top of my blog game. Sowi!
