This a full on rant. Brace yourselves. We were all largely uninterested (well I was) when on valentine's day, Tuface proposed to his long-term and long suffering girlfriend, Annie Macaulay. Amidst a lot of tears and 'spoil face' the beleaguered Annie accepted.
The only thing I could think was: why in the hell is she so happy that a serial impregnator proposed to her? After 12 years of wasting her time, 3 baby mamas and five babies later (with one on the way), he was finally ready to settle down. Oh the relief! She has been through beat downs, public humiliation, the prospect of step kids but oh! she's definitely winning now cos there's a finger with a rock at the end of that tunnel. BULLSHIT!!!
My friend SO and I were pondering the mysteries of life one late night and one of the questions for determination was 'is the amount of bullshit a woman can put up with in direct correlation with how much she loves a man?'. See, before Annie's 'happy' news, we were getting ready to go to the wedding of a girl who had stomached so much bullshit to get her man, it was unreal.
They weren't dating, he was engaged to someone else but her ability to just be there come rain or shine, to almost jeopardise her education and future career irrespective of the fact that he was committed to another woman, stood her in good stead and won the day for her. SO was of the opinion that all is well that ends well. I was of the opinion that she's a home wrecking doormat. But the one consensus we reached was we didn't think we could go to such extremes and hence we are yet to marry.
And then the news broke about Annie and Tuface
And we became even more convinced that being single is not necessarily that bad. Since the bullshit bar has been raised too high for us and it seems to be a fad amongst the young ones these days.
I was even more peeved when I read comments about the impending nuptials. Things along the lines of 'congrats girl. True love won at the end of the day' and more tribalistic ones like 'Annie was always our wife before those ugly yoruba girls came into the picture' or something like that. If Annie was always 'your' wife, dear 'commenter', you could have helped her out by having Tuface neutered after baby number 2.
And true love didn't win the day....... Desperation did.
Why are you termed a good woman just because you can turn a blind eye to indiscretions and pretty much roll over and expose your stomach to allow someone kick it in again? Is that really a function of love? Love as I understand it might be patient, kind and bearing no grudges. Looking at the spirit and intent and not just the words of that scripture, I have come to the conclusion that this doesn't translate to 'love should always be taken advantage of and be taken for granted'. In addition, it goes without saying that the 'love edict' (as I like to call it) applies across the board to men and women alike. I don't see a man willing to look the other way when a woman he loves takes it upon herself to single handedly ensure that the human race doesn't die. Those type of girls get labelled as sluts. And a night vigil of epic proportions will be held by the family of a guy who wants to marry a girl with numerous baby daddies.
This is not 'baby boy' or any other badly written 'urban' movie. This is life! What legacy are we leaving for our kids? "Mummy was so hugely inconsequential that she stood around for 12 years waiting for daddy to come around......you can be or have anything you want if you put your mind to it!". That....does not a female president make neither is it a rousing or motivational speech to your child, Mrs. Desperate House Wife!
I am so over women refusing to hold men to a higher standard and wondering why they are acting the fool. Do we not deserve men to whom we are primary priority? THEY hold US to a VERY high standard. So why can't we? I saw the cheesiest but simultaneously poignant thing like last year: don't make someone a priority to whom you're just an option. That makes sense. But it seems a lot of us women, are just sprinting to that finish line of getting a rock. Being a priority or something a man holds dear or cherishes,is secondary. He can do as he likes so long as I get that rock. Fantastic. I've been at the end of many a conversation where there's been a ring and a marriage but the guy is still an asshole. You know why? COS HE HAS ALWAYS BEEN AN ASSHOLE!!!! You decided to turn the blind eye for the ring. You got the ring, honey, you should be happy. That was your goal. You weren't wanting him to love you unconditionally then, or treat you right, or not put you through so much crap. All you wanted, was the ring. So what do you want him to do??? What do you want from him? He's done all that you asked...he's given you a ring. You can't change the game mid-play!!! Have you ever seen a football match that becomes a cricket match after half time because one side was losing? I haven't. The losing side knuckles down and plays the game to whatever outcome.
The funny thing is, it is us women, that dictate the pace for these relationships. A few years ago in my church, a man thoroughly humiliated his wife during a bible study service. He said she was always harping on about him not smoking, when, when they met, she told him that the thing she liked most about him was how he held his cigarette. She set the pace, now she doesn't like it anymore. Well, tough!
We all get what we think we deserve. If a piece of jewellery is all you think you're worth, then that's it. The ring is NOT the love. It is just a symbol. It represents so much more; love, respect, friendship, commitment, longevity etc. But my fabulous generation has it all twisted. We don't sort out the preliminary issues first. We just want the ring. It is what we are gunning for from day one.
Guys, here's a cheat note; you can act any kind of fool you want, so long as you dangle the promise of a little, round piece of jewellery before any girl's eyes. You don't even have to commit to the sentiment behind the ring. Most girls don't care. Even more importantly, try to catch the girl in the 25-30 age bracket or make sure you've been dangling her along for more than 2 years! Oh, the Jackie Channess of that desperation!!! She will never leave your ass! Just say 'undeep' things like 'why are you acting out babe? Ehn? Future Mrs....whatever the hell your last name is' and watch her light up like a retarded christmas tree in July, all transgression immediately forgiven. You have the sweetest end of the deal guys. You lucky devils.