Friday, May 27, 2011

The Dating Pool

*all pictures courtesy Google*

So I'm hearing Lil'Wayne has no love for us dark girls. This news is probably so last year for most people but I'm just getting the memo. Let's get my view on the issue quickly before we move on to the crux of this blog:
Lil Wayne, you little, Uncle Ruckus, darkkies hating shit. How you gon be racist to your own people? Your mama black as shit and Reginae black too! Toya is the best you will ever do in your country ass life. But keep running around shitting on good women. Memphitz knows what to do with that Toya Booty! Fuck you and the shoes you rode in on! *Spits dramatically*
Well, now that I've given some free, none existent publicity (any publicity is good publicity,right?) to the show; Toya on BET, moving on.

Yeah, so that's how I feel about lil' Wayne's stupid ass.(All you rap heads can hit me up with your 'Wayne is the best thing since sliced bread' crap. See if I give a damn!) So what was I saying? Yes, dating pool. I read a seriously hilarious post called Give the white boy some ass too! or something to that effect and I had just finished writing this post. I laughed so hard and the guy captured my emotions to a tee. His post was so similar to this albeit a bit too gangster. Funny. So funny.

Anyways, It would be terribly unfair to deem Lil'Wayne a persona non grata because of this little tidbit. I know for a fact that ALL, yes, I said ALL, black men want to get with white or light skinned (call them half caste or mixed race or whatever) women. It is ingrained in their DNA. "Naah ah, not my boo. He loves me and I'm as black as it gets" Honey, yes, your man. His wanting to get with white or light skinned women has nothing to do with his love for you but everything to do with satisfying a morbid curiosity.
I went to school in a predominantly white town. And the black boys completely ignored we the black sisters and were dating white, asian and mixed race girls. I used to get sooooo mad at this! Interracial dating pissed me the hell off. But it was sometimes funny. My friend S.O, stumbled on the funniest scene ever in a market in London: a black guy taking his Chinese wifey through the market and showing her the food he likes and their yoruba names. Eg. "This is okro. It is called ila in yoruba and I love it. I'm going to teach you how to make it." Awwww sweet! I'm sure my friend felt like stalking them through the market. But she didn't. She's not creepy. I would have, tho. You know that Chinese girl is not really trying to learn how to make no damn okro. You better love eating Chinese food cos that's all you will be getting. Okro ko, edikaikong ni.

I've actually never discussed how mad it made me with anybody until one stupid boy came to talk to me about why I am always so uppity and looking down my nose at the black guys in the school. I'm like "as a collective, y'all ain't shit. And you demand too much and give little or nothing in return" and he's like "see, you're a typical black, Naija babe. You people are toooooo long! White girls just do it. They just roll with it. It doesn't matter. They will do you and your boy. They don't give a fuck! Why are you people not like that?" I asked a simple question; "do you have a sister?" He said yes and I'm like "I wish her all the easiness and all the rolling with it you wish for me and other black women" He got upset and left. And I'm like, well why did he leave? He doesn't like having (or thinking about potentially having) an easy sister? Eeya. Shame.
So this led me to realize that apart from wanting to get with a white woman for curiosity sake, black men actually believe they are easier to lay and they do not have any drama. My favorite part of the movie; The Brothers ( the BLACK one starring Morris Chestnut, Bill Bellamy, D.L Hughley and Shemar Moore) was when Bill Bellamy's character found out that this wasn't true. Shocking! If anything, white women have scary drama. It may be over generalizing but white girls are crazy. At least the ones I knew in Uni were. My friend Sharon, told me how she held up her ex (a black boy) at knife point until he apologized for cheating on her. A friend of mine was stalked by an ex of her boyfriend ( a black boy) for 8 months. Had to get the police involved and get a restraining order. Lorena Bobitt cut her husband's penis off and threw it out of a window and on and on. See, scary drama. Black women just bust the windows out yo' car and move the hell on.
Basically, Nigerian men condone us blackkies whilst they are here because.... they have no choice! The white/mixed race community in Nigeria really don't like dealing with black people. Why? They just don't . A friend took me to a club in VI that apparently just started letting black people in. This was in 2008. We were being Jim Crowed in our own country. It was meant to be a place for the expatriates to chill without any darkkies popping up in their faces. If you don't like darkkies, I suggest you move back to your country. Simplez.

So when these Nigerian men get the opportunity to hop accross the pond to some whitey country; and it does not matter which sweaty armpit of Europe they end up in, it is on the agenda that white tail must be acquired. It is as normal as visiting tourist sites. Madam Toussauds, London eye, white girl. That's how it goes. They become like kids in the freaking candy store. So many options so little time. And white women too have heard that black men are "packing" (I've had A LOT of them asking me to confirm the truthfulness of this myth. I've neither confirmed nor denied, so my black brothers, on my part, I've done my bit to keep the illusion unshattered) so they want to investigate, and presto, you have a pot of steamy hot interracial, jungle fever dating. It is not the drama black men are scared of. Infact, I go as far as to say they like the drama and they were happy to put up with it. It is the white and they know it.

So, like I said, I used to be so mad @ interracial dating. But one day, it occurred to me that it was not necessary to be mad. What these boys have done is widen their dating pool. We black women, particularly, we Nigerian women, hardly widen our net. We want our black brothers only. Preferably sef, from the same tribe, state, village, hamlet, street, primary school etc as us. We sit there complaining about men but we really just mean black men. We don't want to mess with the white boys. They're not cool enough and how do you trust a person that turns so many colours? (A bit of racism there....pardon me) Apart from this tho, one major problem is white men generally don't mess with black girls. I used to think this was a subtle way of being racist. Sometimes, it is actually racism but other times, it is because they are intimidated by us. Black women, y'all know y'all fly!!! You don't have 10 pounds in the bank but you're wearing the hell out of your leggings and boots with an amazing bag, a head full of peruvian hair, face made up to perfection for a class that lasts one hour or to a job that people just rock jeans and sneakers. Black women can dress! Yessir. A lot of the white women i know don't really care about dressing or anything. Black women make an effort and they come off as very intimidating. Also we can like to shout and talk loudly!!! It is not very 'Wisteria Lane' upper, white, middle class nieighbourhood of us. Get a gang of black girls together and you can hear them all the way in Timbuktu.
So we dress well, we are loud and we look like we can break shit. So, yeah, a tad intimidating for white boys (except Eminem sha)
I met this girl who worked with my cousin. She was his boss. My cousin told me the greatest love story involving this girl.She was a Nigerian girl, living in the UK that had a lot of things going for her. She was extremely clever, she graduated from Imperial with top grades, she made serious bank, she works in one of the top oil companies the world over, she had her British passport and to top it all up, she is so freaking gorgeous and she could out dress Naomi Campbell. So I was wondering why she was still single. My cousin said she liked Nigerian men but they were either too intimidated by her success or they just wanted to use her. Anyways, one day, my cousin calls me up and he's like one of their senior bosses; a white guy, came out to say he's had a crush on the girl since like forever! Apparently, she was getting ready to leave to company for another company and the guy just had to seize the moment. Apparently, he's always loved her but she was so good looking and elegant and stand offish, that he was scared. Plus he had to do her appraisals so he didn't want to be seen as being biased. He offered to move to London to be with her. Like, leave his job and relocate. And at her leaving do, he composed and sang a song for her. Only white people do that! Seriously!!! I just thought it was too sweet.
That's a sweet thing to do, don't you agree? I personally feel white boys can be all out sugary sweet and not care about it. A man, that can break out a guitar and burst into songs (composed by him) in a room filled with his underlings and superiors, alike, has no shame in his game! Black men are too concious about their image and not appearing "pussy whipped" to try spontaneous sweetness like that. That's not to shit on my mandingo brethren. They can be sweet, in their own way but I doubt if it would be something as 'gay' as that. An ex once cooked me something to eat with his non-cooking ass. I didn't say "get the fuck outta here! Are you trying to kill me????" I smiled as I forced the half cooked rice with broken egg shells (yes, he had tried to boil an egg too by boiling it in the rice. Can't cook worth a damn but he's going to be Chef Boyardee and multi-task on the day he cooks for me *rolling eyes*) down my throat at the risk of the egg shells ripping apart my voice box. I had to encourage him. That was the height of his niceness. He had never cooked and I got him to cook for me. Wow. Mind blowing.....not!!!

Anyways, I decided I wasn't going to limit myself to black boys anymore. Whilst I didn't seriously date any white person, I had a few cuties that we would talk and talk. There were two memorable ones, a second generation british Indian. So cute. So sweet. He didnt see why we could not date and kept telling me how he adored black women and my Hungarian honey pie. Who is still seriously in the running. I still talk to him till this day and we have a deal that if I don't get married by 30, we're giving it a shot. Lol. He has been inviting me up to Hungary and I may just go. So sweet. Tried to change my view on the concept of "having a drink" which is that I don't get it. Since all I need is one glass of juice and I'm fine, not 10 bottles. We had some steamy "exchanging heated glances" moments in the 24 hour room, during exams. Oh, to be so young and so in "love" lol.

But what I found was that black boys hate interracial dating as much as we do. Black boys don't play that black women dating white men crap. It is a literal slap on their faces. It is like you're saying they are not enough for you and they take this VERY personal. I found this out when I was 'facebook active'. I took a picture with this boy from Russia who said (and I believe, cos I have another friend that claims this) that he descends from Mongols. So he looks a bit Chinese'y'. People would just not let me rest with the stupid comments of 'don't bring a white boy home' and 'I hope you're not dating the chinko" those were the half serious, half jokey comments. Some people took it so P that they emailed, inboxed my facebook and called me and had great rants about "Cherrywine, what the fuck, now? Why are you messing with white boys? I never took you for a sell-out". *said in a gruff man-man voice* It wasn't even that deep. Sell out???? I laughed and laughed. But it hurt when the poor boy had to speak up for himself due to the less than flattering comments even though I tried as much as possible to diffuse the situation.I got the same flack when I took pictures with a random Indian boy on my graduation. Double standards hommies.
All I'm saying is, black women should not be so hung up on always dating black men. Sometimes, your true love lies with another race. Please go for it. It would be dumb not to. Don't let your racist mother (we know they are all racist) jealous friends or hating ass brother or ex tell you otherwise. The time has come to widen our dating circles and stop the "us against them" mentality. If a black boy is not cutting the mustard and a white boy is begging to be your every, please chuck up the deuces to that idiot and keep it moving. You'll be glad you did. I know it is easier said than done. Particularly if you live in Nigeria, where the pickings are slim. I'm just saying on the off-chance that it happens, don't scorn it. Explore it. Open yourself up to possibilities. You really never know.

Disclaimer: this is not a blog justifying what our 'sisters' are getting up to in Italy or even here in Nigeria sef. Those ones are hoes! Judgmental??? Good. That was my intention. I'm actually talking about falling in love not relieving some fat Egyptian man of his Forex after you've been fondling his man boobs. Eeewww! No diss Egypt. Love the Sphinx.


  1. Cherry wine..., mad mad child.. I like though!!

  2. But lil wayne's girl is wat the hell??

  3. There's a club in VI thats admits just white folks? X_x. That is just RUDE! Rude, i say! Can u imagine? Lemme not get worked up over this!

    Ehem, on the interracial dating, i thought outside the box as far back as when i was 8. I WAS going to marry a white man or at least a half-caste cos i percieved them as real in point, the boss lady and the boss man! If i had met and fallen in love with a white guy and im convinced my life would be shit without him, then so be it. Whats good for the goose is equally good for the gander!

    The truth tho is that there's comfort in being with your kind, sorta like a safety net. We just love our comfort zones!

  4. Well ..... nice one .Very pro sisters...However I should add that what is missing here is the complete absence of the fact that we do like our sisters voluptuous and well endowed in certain areas which unfortunately the white ladies don't really have on offer.We ought to find out watt happened to the Guy referred to above and his chinese babe-- not likely to go very far .The way to a brothers soul is via amala and gbegiri tuwo shikafa etc... any thing short of that cant fly !
    But help me out here -- if you widen your pool does that not mean our pool then gets Smaller !!!! I think our self survival instincts needs to kick in at this point !

  5. @ Bucci: ;)
    @ KitKat: i think he's blind or something. it's all that cough syrup he's been sipping on.
    @ Hazel: i think this hang up about comfort zones is only suffered by black women. black men dont seem to have ANY hang ups whatsoever
    @ Anon: love your had me laughing. it is about time your dating pool got smaller, don't you think? As Hazel said, what is good for the goose.... amala ko, akpu ni. Lol.

    Thanks for stopping by everyone

  6. i think the major problem for us naija babes is that our mothers wld most likely have an heart attack if we bring someone from anoda race into their house.we talk abt racism but nigerians r racists .kiolode?my mum will say 'mi o fe omo ibo 'and thats a nigerian ,imagine if i take a russian or malaysian dude home..lmao.
    i v discovered that not all africans r like my little stay in kenya i v observed that kenyans dont care if u r white or green.the number of mixed couples i v seen in dis place OMG.wen i first got here i was so shocked like seriously 'oyinbo'.
    anyways i am personally not sure if i am open to inter-racial dating(well putting aside my mother's views).
    o and i forgot to add 'Aunty Cherry' totally rocks!!


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