The days before the birthday, I started wondering what was making me so mortifyingly afraid of this birthday. I wasn't feeling any older, my bones weren't creaking, nothing of the sort. Then it hit me.....I was scared because I hadn't done a lot of things I thought I would have done by this age. I wasn't married, I didn't have kids, I'm yet to own and operate my own business, I still don't own my own house on the island etc. That freaked me out. I talked to a friend about this and he was trying to draw my attention to the things I actually had achieved eg my academic achievements. I wasn't having none of that. They were not achievements as far as I was concerned. Everyone has some sort of qualification. I happen to have 4 but my profession demands it. So that didn't help to brighten my countenance.
Two days to my birthday, I had an ephiphany: all those unrealised goals were set by a 16 years old me..... the me that read too many mills and boon novels, hated my parents, recorded my music off of Ray Power radio station, thought black nail polish was the height of being fashion forward and whose only heart desire was to be allowed to wear an anklet. That girl didn't know a damn thing about the real world. She was a giant dick head. The one thing I had going for myself at 16 was that I had a dream. It was a good dream because it helped me do what was required of me to scale through life. Yes, there are things that have remained undone and unaccomplished but I am getting there. I realised that as my friend pointed out, I have accomplished a great deal. I'm grateful for the life I've been fortunate to live.I am indeed very proud of myself and my accomplishments and I have faith in what tomorrow is bringing my way.
So, having had a moment of clarity, I looked forward to my birthday with my usual expectant anticipation. And you know what? I had a blast!!! My sister and brother treated me to a trip to Ghana, the people in my new office gave me a lovely cake, I had an out of town surprise, I had a couple of lovely presents, I smoked shisha with a bunch of amazing friends and I went out and danced the night away. It was an amazing night. Unfortunately, the next day was a friday. I turned up for work ready to bitchslap anyone who gave me grief. Ah, it is not like it used to be. I am really getting old and I can't do a lot of going out the night before and turning up for work the next day. But this birthday helped me come to some realizations and appreciations about and for myself and helped me face up to certain realities. Things could be better but they are not terible right now. I am living and enjoying life.