Friday, June 3, 2011

The Goose-Gander Conundrum

So this is full gbeborun that I want to do right now. My ex gave me one gist a while back that left me awe struck. something happened that reminded me of this gist (story for another post)Since I'm not a gist hoarder, I will share the gist with you. (Thank you Cherrywine. You're welcome booskis :D ) He went to a wedding. It was a normal wedding by all accounts; the bride was blushing, the groom was dashing etc. He had gone to the wedding with a friend. Throughout the wedding, the friend kept saying he knew the bride but he didn't know where from. Like 2 months after the wedding, my ex's friend called him and he said to him (I'm paraphrasing here tho) "you know how I kept insisting that I knew the bride from the wedding we went to a few months back, well, I was right, shes here, in my house right now with my cousin and they've just finished doing the nasty" Needless to say, my ex's jaw dropped to his feet. Sad and sorta funny as this story was, what was funnier was my ex's reaction to it. He was so horrified and upset that a woman would dare cheat on her husband, he was almost spitting nails. Him, a renowned woman wrapper, thong, pata nla, everything! I didn't help matters by laughing uncontrollably. I wasn't laughing at the poor, shall we say, henpecked husband, I was laughing at men and their double standards.

Now, before I am accused of condoning cheating (by guess who? Men.)the post is mainly pointing out the fact that the dynamics in marriage have changed. In the past, it used to be that the men went out to work and the women were housewives or had some petty business on the side. This type of lifestyle does not leave room for any type of questioning. It was always a "yes sir" situation. Abi you no wan collect house allowi? The women were repressed because they didn't have any real means of livelihood other than their husbands and men being what they are, exploited this situation to their advantage. The women had to put up and shut up or not put up and vamoosse to their father's house. Period.

If you're a woman, particularly a Nigerian woman, you're accustomed to men thinking certain things are the sole preserves of men. It is an open secret that a lot of men have dalliances with other women whilst married. There are so many high powered men who have been named and shamed eg. Bill Clinton and the Monicagate, John .F. Kennedy and the rumored affair with Marilyn Monroe, to name a few. In Nigeria, this is not even a big deal. It is an accepted part of marriage and if you, the legal wife, are attempting to cause any unnecessary drama, the likelihood of you packing your Ghana-must-go on your head and leaving the man's house for daring to question his manhood(yes ke), is very, very,very high. Nigerian men don't play that question and answer, shame nonsense. If you have a problem with it, leave the house. The young girl sef is already fixing to take your spot. But what is baffling and simultaneously amusing is that men don't play that shit. A man who is cheating on his wife with 5 women at the same time expects her to just grin and bear it. But the minute he hears that the woman is even talking to another man on the side, it is a wrap. He begins to cry about how he can't trust her and how she should leave his house, involving his family, who will accuse the wife of wanting to kill their son and the wife's family, who will be thoroughly humiliated. All of them conveniently forgetting that he started it in the first place. Men are big babies who do not like to share. Their body too dey hot! Wetin? Na only una like better thing? Lol.

Well, I am gleefully reporting that the tables have been turned. There are pioneers in our midst, ladies and gentlemen. Yes! Women who are giving new life to the phrase "what is good for the goose, is equally good for the gander." I know my male friends will slay me for being gleeful about this, but whatever! Some modern women just do not take this cheating lying down. The minute they find out their men are cheating, they take a couple of days to mourn the demise of their marriage, wash their faces, put on some make up, put on a fabulous freakum dress and hightail it to work to get a lil sum sum from some junior staff. Yes people, the days of men being the "cheaterS" are long gone.

Nowadays, you have women being nominated for men of the year awards, running multi- billion naira conglomerates, having successful businesses and careers. All I have to say is: gentlemen, welcome to the jet age! Take away the financial insecurity and you will find that women have A LOT to say about how they are treated.
A lot of women are fed up of being treated like crap and it only takes one "friend" to sow the seed of infidelity. The minute the seed is sown, it takes root and it is only the strongest of women that can resist the lure of the forbidden fruit. Young men are about and aplenty, looking for a quick buck, they will service your wife's engine to her heart's content and she will be seeing them for 500miles servicing every other week. Men do not want to believe that this can happen to them but it can and it probably will if you continue to treat your wives badly. Plus why do men find it hard to believe that just as there are little, for want of a better word, heifers, out there, willing to provide them a service for some money, there are also little porn stars out there, tired of hustling and wanting some dough?

Having exhausted my glee, let's be real; cheating for whatever reason, is disgusting business. I'm still also a proponent of the old school in saying that when a women does it, it seems somehow worse. I feel it is because you stand to loose a lot. In a society where it is important for women to be seen as chaste, it is quite hard to say what is good for the goose is good for the gander. Also, I find that women who cheat on their husbands often cheat on good men. Men that really have done nothing to deserve that type of treatment. The chilled bruthas. So mostly they end up hurting men who do not deserve it, then the marriage ends and a bitter,jaded man is expelled from the bowels of that marriage making the work harder for single girls like me. Warn yourselves o. Just playing.
I cannot, however deny, that I am happy that the tide is turning on men.  I hope this post instils the fear of God in your heart. And if it hasn't, I hope this will; you can NEVER, EVER in your life, be as vindictive as a woman scorned and you will never in your life pray for a vindictive woman. Women are pure evil under the sweet smiles and luscious bodies. When a woman has it in for you, the sky is just the begining. She will kiss you with the same mouth she has used to mic check another dudes thingy, minutes after she  finished mic checking! Think about that for a minute. Treat us right or you will get what is coming to you. Don't start shit and there won't be shit "bad 70s movies actor voice" *mwaaaaahhhaaaahhhaaaahhhaaaaa* *insert movies thunder clapping and lightning here*


  1. LMAOOO...YOu are sooo goood crazy, CHerryWine and soo damn refreshing.... LEt's all sit and watch as the era unfolds...

  2. You slangs have killed me.
    'mic check'. Updating my vocab
    Mic check, microphone tester. lol


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