I don't think I will be doing any more dedications but this one is important. I dedicate this post to my cousin; the other RLA who claims he needs six weeks intensive therapy to get over my first post (btw, I can't believe my shock value is only worth six weeks of therapy. I am very hurt and disappointed) I admit there are somethings you shouldn't know about your little cousin who called you 'Master' back in the days. But get over it! Here's a tamer post for you and your blood pressure. Lol. Love you!
You're at this party. The music is great and you're sitting somewhere, sipping on something. You're not really looking but through your peripheral vision, you can tell that they are checking you out. Your male adoration quotient is at an all time high and you're basking in it. A few bold men and a couple of drunk ones have walked by and said something to you.You look amazing and you know it. Things couldn't get better....They certainly can get worse. You've just gotten up to dance and as you're sitting down cos you've gone from glistening to outright sweaty, a gorgeous girl walks into the same party. That very instant, this girl you've never met before, whose name you don't know and who you may never see again; becomes enemy number one. You just take an instant dislike to her and you start to pick her apart in your head: 'I know that top is five pounds from primark' or 'girl please, if you can't walk in heels, don't wear them' or 'not everybody can pull off futuristic, Lady No No' etc.
Why are we women like that, I wonder. I've done it to people and it has been done to me. Times without number on both counts.In fact if you're honest with yourselves, you'll admit that at some point in life, you've done it. We feel instantly threatened by each other in any situation where we are pitted against each other. And, most times, it is for absolutely no reason at all. And the way it is handled is by becoming a super bitch to the percieved opposition. And what is funny is that it doesn't even have to be a social setting. The claws are coming out either ways.Practical example; When I was in University, I worked for my school from time to time. I got to work early one morning; I was expecting a new supervisor for my team so I was trying to make a good impression. I was the first to arrive and as I was waiting; in floats this gorgeous Pakistani girl. All almond eyes and long chestnut hair and long limbed and I just wanted to stab her and claim it was an accident! I have the lady-balls to admit that it was because she was so beautiful that I had a problem with her. Now, I'm under no illusion as to how I look. You wouldn't kick me out of bed. I'm no Miss World but I'm no two bagger either ( Two bagger: in order to sleep with her, you cover her head with a brown paper bag AND you cover yours with one too just incase her bag suffers a mishap. Courtesy Dane Cook in the movie; My bestfriend's girl. Amazing movie) And you know what made that situation even more ridiculous; we were the only two people in the University at that time of the morning that were under 50. So she wasn't in any direct competition with me for any male attention or anything remotely close. I just felt so freaking threatened by her, it was unreal! I felt like the ugliest of Cinderella's ugly step sisters. It was like she called me out to defend my existence in life; like, why was I even existing if I wasn't as beautiful as she was. I gave her as much attitude as I could give a stranger without saying a word. And I had some seriously uncharitable thoughts about her along the lines of being sure that her entire family were terrorists and how I was sure she was so full of her self importance etc. (Very unkind! Bowing my head in shame at the memories)
When my overall boss arrived at work, she introduced the Pakistani goddess as SC, my new supervisor! To say I was not happy about that is a gross understatement. What!?! They wanted me to roll with this terrorist? Weren't they at all concerned for my safety? But nothing doing, we set out for Leicester which is about 35 minutes away from where I was and by the time we were approaching Leicester, we had become the best of friends. Turns out she's one of the most amazing people in the world. Funny, sassy, beautiful, kind.....just absolutely amazing. My point is, if I was just walking past and I saw how gorgeous she was, I would have disliked her, thought nothing of it and moved on with my life. But she turned out so amazing and she's still a very good friend till this day.
Second example: again, I was at work. And this girl resumed work. She had worked there in the past as a temporary staff and was now being elevated to a contract staff. I had never met her and she was just meeting me for the first time and from the minute she clapped eyes on me, you could literally touch the dislike in the room. She just did not like me. It was so glaring that the other workers had to ask us if we had met before. The men in my office mess about with 'acquiring' the girls. I was told she was the boss' sweetheart (no inappropriateness going on, btw, at least not to my knowledge) and when she resumed he told her he was thinking of making me his sweetheart. We all laughed about it but I think she resents the fact that she's no longer the new girl and I usurped her position. Well, whatever! The situation hasn't changed and the sad fact is that she's missing out on knowing a great person because she can't see past whatever it is that she's threatened by(yes indeed....I'm a wonderful person, deal with it) And when you meet with such fierce shittiness, the way you deal with it (well, the way I deal with it) is by mustering all your inner energies to becoming the hugest BITCH you can manage to be. I know the bible says if someone slaps you you turn the left cheek, and I do try, really. But my favorite bit is an eye for an eye. I bet she can't believe how bitchy I am and intend to continue being. So its on, bitch! (sorry for the mini personal vandetta, but it is sooo on sha!)I've heard of this story in different variations. I've heard of older women that are meant to mentor younger girls, just feeling threatened by their youth, girls being threatened by other girls popularity, beauty, etc. It is something I feel very saddend by.
Final thots: I think we women miss out on a lot of things by being envious or threatened by each other. There's a lot to be gained from befriending each other. There are so many people that I have disliked on sight and said bad stuff about that I've been forced to eat my words when I got to know them. I have so many besties like that right now eg FE, DB, AA and the list goes on. What I've found is that most often, the thing we see in other women that makes us dislike them is the thing we wish we had ourselves. It is imperative that we women uplift each other. It is important for our empowerment and development. However, it is mostly an involuntary reaction we have to fight to keep down. I'm not saying I am now a better person. It is not like it will never happen again but I've decided that instead of mirror...mirror...on the wall, whose the fairest of them all? I will look into that mirror, give myself a wink and know that even though I'm not perfect, I'm fabulously imperfect.