Yes! Yes! Children of God, I am back, but don't call it a comeback *pauses for dry laughter*
Anon in previous post, this is my nanananana moment, cos I told yáll I would be back. New job, better hours = more blogging. Yessur! Toin, odeshi for your shoe, btw.
So... let's talk.
Raise your hand if this has ever happened to you.
A few years ago, I was sitting in my dorm room, minding my own business, when a very good friend of mine, FE, called me and this conversation (or something very closely resembling it) took place:
FE: hey Cherrywine, wassup
Me: Nothing o. Just chilling. Wassup?
FE: Nothing. You know *Tola (not real name)?
Me: *Tola who?
FE: *Tola in Bristol now. You met him the last time you came
Me: oh, the kinda short, kinda cute guy?
FE: Yes, him. Well, he's been bugging me about you and I think you guys will be great together so I have given him your number, I'm just calling to give you a heads up.
Me: are you being serious right now? You're just handing out my number to guys I barely know (Ok, I didnt say this last statement...but I THOUGHT it....so it counts)
FE: Yes jo. I'm hanging up now so he can get through when he calls you. Laterrrrrr.
Me: ........*staring at the phone in despair at the thought of making meaningless small talk with a stranger I barely know*
And so it was that I met *Tola. We never quite hit it off as expected by FE. *Tola and I went on to become very close friends eventually and I even call him my big brother but the relationship in the beginning was very temperamental. I didn't enjoy his brand of small talk, I barely spoke when he spoke to me (those who know me personally, know that this is an anomaly. You can't get me to shut up most times) and when I did talk, it was to deliver scathing or sarcastic comments. Anyways, this is not the point of this post. But because *Tola and I didn't get along so well in the beginning, *Tola and FE had a lot to talk about all the time. He was always reporting me for being mean (the little tattle tale). Things eventually came to a head when I discovered that after 'hooking' Tola and I up, FE felt decidedly wretched about doing so because she had feelings for *Tola.
Yup, my friend who hooked me up with her friend had feelings for said friend. I was understandably irritated....irritated that she made me spend unnecessary time enduring his often times, painful attempts at 'macking'. This type of situation has been known to ruin friendships and it could have ruined ours but thank God it didn't. Maybe because I didn't 'send' the guy like that or because I'm an ovaries before brovaries kinda girl, I was just mildly irritated. I asked her some questions which she is yet to answer satisfactorily. I'm like why would you hook your friend up with a guy you're interested in? What kind of messed up crap is that? I'm generous with most things but never with a guy I like so I don't see myself ever doing that. I didn't understand why she would do that and run such a risk. What if I had been interested in the guy? What if we had started dating? Would she have kept her peace or would it have been a duel to the death? That was a really serious risk she took, one that could have ended our friendship because I don't take too kindly to being betrayed by friends over man-matter. It could have caused a feud to rival the Montagues and the Capulets, where our generations yet unborn would never speak well of each other. I'm glad we didn't fall out over that issue. She eventually went on to date the guy. The relationship did not last long and the whole time it was on-going, they both turned me into their relationship ref. They are both happily married to different people now.
Guess what? I've only ever heard of women doing this type of thing. So the question is....why are we 'somehow'?
Why do we set people up only to turn around and regret doing so because some deep seated feelings are coming to light? Is this the fabled covetousness as described by the Good Book? My friend FE is not a terrible person. Au contraire, she's one of the sweetest and most unselfish people I know. But this situation happened. I suspect what happened was that she was platonic friends with *Tola. So because of the platonic nature of their friendship, she didn't examine any feelings she may have had for him.
I guess this is the situation all around. My cousin *Tee told me about how another cousin of ours *Tee2 tried to set her up with some guy and it turned out that after setting her up with the guy, *Tee2 started to like the guy. *Tee and *Tee2's relationship is now not what it used to be with *Tee feeling completely let down by and annoyed with *Tee2 and her incessant badgering of the status quo between *Tee and the hook up and *Tee2 receiving frequent calls from the green eyed monster whenever she sees *Tee and the hookup hanging out.
I've heard that guys don't necessarily have female friends. I mean, they know women and are somewhat friendly with them but I've been told that men just know women they haven't slept with....yet. Therefore, all you women that have male bffs are just in the wings waiting to be had!! Lol. If this reasoning is to be believed, it explains why single guys (or even some with girlfriends.....all the way up to wife, but we are not on that right now) very rarely hook their single girl friends up with their boys.
I remember meeting my closest male friend's boy years ago. People, this boy was fooooiiiinnnneeee. I'm like 'dude, hook us up jare. All his fine and all my cute will go very well together'. Till today, I cannot remember if he ever gave me an answer. Lol. He's now happily married but maybe then, I was still game if 'the mood ever came upon us'. It never did.
As agenda-laden and selfish as this is, it makes sense to me. The avenue for behaviors such as the ones described above is closed. They no dey even entertain am. This is the logic: I may hit that someday, so let me keep it free and clear till then. Simples. Women nko.....nba! We will be doing do-gooder wey no reach inside our bele. It sorts of defeats the purpose when you're trying to break up people you hooked up abi?
So here's the moral of today's story: it is not by force. They don't use the amount of hook ups you've ever done in life to collect money in the bank. If you are even slightly attracted to the boy or he makes you laugh more than anybody you know or there's a certain je ne sais quoi about him that you can't just place your finger on, take these four steps before any Mother Christmas activity:
2. THINK AM
3. THINK AM.......WELLLLLLLLL
4. GO AHEAD....when you have searched your church mind well.
Abi, how you take see am? Hit me up.