*sneaking in and attempting to act like I've been here the whole time* ok, ok, ok, sorry I've been gone for so long. First of all, happy new year (I know....but better late than never) I have really missed you guys. It has been miserable without you. It is work o! I will tell you about it later jare. Anyways, I have plenty gist o. So am I forgiven???? Yes??? Thank you. Anyways, let's talk.
The expression "honesty is the best policy" is the most overused adage in this country in my opinion. It is usually always spouted by dishonest people but I digress. How feasible is the concept of honesty in the grand scheme of things when you're embarking on a new relationship? Are we always 100% honest with a new guy/girl? If you are, when does the honesty clause kick in? A day after you officially start dating? A month? A year? there are so many things that as people, we have done and intend to forget about in life, in general. Some have to do with our dating lives. You know, you dated one kwokriko boy that after removing the relationship googles, you couldn't believe you did such a thing to yourself etc. But when you go into a new relationship, bearing in mind that you must disclose, you don't get to live those mistakes down. Going into a new relationship is always like putting a scalpel to an injury that is a day away from closing up properly and ripping it down the middle again. In that stage when you're getting to know someone, it is always expedient to decipher who they are. History contributes to who we are. So you start asking mundane questions not knowing if you will like the answer or not. As an aside, I find that at this stage, women are prepared for anything but guys, surprisingly, are always shocked. The questions vary. It could be how many guys have you slept with or have you been tested for HIV.
What I want to know is, and please feel free to comment and help a sister out, is full disclosure necessary? Is 'surface disclosure' not enough? What purpose does full disclosure serve other than causing strife and mistrust? Dont get me wrong, I don't like lies and I don't have big secrets that i need to hide or whatever. I am just wondering about the relevance of full disclosure. Maybe I should paint scenario and then you can see where I am coming from.
Before getting married, you've been a fool for love like 3 times. 3 different guys have promised you marriage and you stupidly believed them, as you do. Those relationships didn't work out but unfortunately you got pregnant in the course of those relationships. Naturally, you had an abortion in all 3 cases. Very stupid of you, you know. But you have since made your way right with God and it is a present but distant memory.
Now you've met a guy, you're engaged. He doesn't know of this sordid past. At what point do you disclose the fact that you've had 3 abortions? Is before the engagement the right time? You know, to give him the opportunity to make an informed decision as to whether or not to go ahead with the engagement? Or is it after the engagement?
Let's even consider that perhaps, you told him and he's had time to mull it over and he decides that he loves you so much that he can't live without you and goes ahead with the marriage. What if 2 years down the line, you're unable to get pregnant? Even if he doesn't say anything, I guarantee that the thought that he secretly blames you will drive you to the point of almost killing yourself.
I said earlier that girls are usually more receptive of any bs that guys throw their way. This is not a broad generalization, it has been proven time and time again. "Examples" I hear you say. Boys are quicker to come forward when they have children outside wedlock. It is a proof of their virility. It is essentially a proof of a girl's sluttiness (don't stone me. That is not my view, it is society's view.....pesky little society!). Anyways, I completely digressed. Most girls will readily take this on the chin. But for most guys,it is a deal-breaker. If a woman likes you, she will literally figure out a way to make things work. Most guys can't handle even the simplest things. Take for instance the question "how many guys have you slept with?". That question is fraught with many dangers. When guys go on that road, to me, they already have the answer they want to hear in their heads, so anything above the grand total of zero becomes an issue. As one of my favorite comedians said and i quote "you ain't discovering s*#t. Just be glad you are hitting it now. Any answer she gives will be too much for you. She could say two and you will go "two.......two???!!! I guess that is how you was raised'" women know this, so we lie. Deny! Deny!! Deny!!! It is our default setting. Or deliberately omit certain facts. Which opens it's own can of worms as it will be construed as being intentionally deceitful.
It has been my experience that guys are not so forthcoming anyways. They prefer to remain mysterious whilst asking you to lay yourself bare in 5 minutes. I'm even shocked survey firms have not found their way into relationships and courtship yet, considering how impatient men are about knowing whether to drop anchor or sling their hooks.
So if you know you are going to lie anyways, is there a point to conducting any discoveries? We are back to my first question, is full disclosure feasible? I think it causes more harm than good but they say confession is good for the soul. So what is better; excess guilt in your heart and a happily oblivious significant other or a good, clean soul and a hurting or dead relationship? Hit me up and let's talk.
The expression "honesty is the best policy" is the most overused adage in this country in my opinion. It is usually always spouted by dishonest people but I digress. How feasible is the concept of honesty in the grand scheme of things when you're embarking on a new relationship? Are we always 100% honest with a new guy/girl? If you are, when does the honesty clause kick in? A day after you officially start dating? A month? A year? there are so many things that as people, we have done and intend to forget about in life, in general. Some have to do with our dating lives. You know, you dated one kwokriko boy that after removing the relationship googles, you couldn't believe you did such a thing to yourself etc. But when you go into a new relationship, bearing in mind that you must disclose, you don't get to live those mistakes down. Going into a new relationship is always like putting a scalpel to an injury that is a day away from closing up properly and ripping it down the middle again. In that stage when you're getting to know someone, it is always expedient to decipher who they are. History contributes to who we are. So you start asking mundane questions not knowing if you will like the answer or not. As an aside, I find that at this stage, women are prepared for anything but guys, surprisingly, are always shocked. The questions vary. It could be how many guys have you slept with or have you been tested for HIV.
What I want to know is, and please feel free to comment and help a sister out, is full disclosure necessary? Is 'surface disclosure' not enough? What purpose does full disclosure serve other than causing strife and mistrust? Dont get me wrong, I don't like lies and I don't have big secrets that i need to hide or whatever. I am just wondering about the relevance of full disclosure. Maybe I should paint scenario and then you can see where I am coming from.
Before getting married, you've been a fool for love like 3 times. 3 different guys have promised you marriage and you stupidly believed them, as you do. Those relationships didn't work out but unfortunately you got pregnant in the course of those relationships. Naturally, you had an abortion in all 3 cases. Very stupid of you, you know. But you have since made your way right with God and it is a present but distant memory.
Now you've met a guy, you're engaged. He doesn't know of this sordid past. At what point do you disclose the fact that you've had 3 abortions? Is before the engagement the right time? You know, to give him the opportunity to make an informed decision as to whether or not to go ahead with the engagement? Or is it after the engagement?
Let's even consider that perhaps, you told him and he's had time to mull it over and he decides that he loves you so much that he can't live without you and goes ahead with the marriage. What if 2 years down the line, you're unable to get pregnant? Even if he doesn't say anything, I guarantee that the thought that he secretly blames you will drive you to the point of almost killing yourself.
I said earlier that girls are usually more receptive of any bs that guys throw their way. This is not a broad generalization, it has been proven time and time again. "Examples" I hear you say. Boys are quicker to come forward when they have children outside wedlock. It is a proof of their virility. It is essentially a proof of a girl's sluttiness (don't stone me. That is not my view, it is society's view.....pesky little society!). Anyways, I completely digressed. Most girls will readily take this on the chin. But for most guys,it is a deal-breaker. If a woman likes you, she will literally figure out a way to make things work. Most guys can't handle even the simplest things. Take for instance the question "how many guys have you slept with?". That question is fraught with many dangers. When guys go on that road, to me, they already have the answer they want to hear in their heads, so anything above the grand total of zero becomes an issue. As one of my favorite comedians said and i quote "you ain't discovering s*#t. Just be glad you are hitting it now. Any answer she gives will be too much for you. She could say two and you will go "two.......two???!!! I guess that is how you was raised'" women know this, so we lie. Deny! Deny!! Deny!!! It is our default setting. Or deliberately omit certain facts. Which opens it's own can of worms as it will be construed as being intentionally deceitful.
It has been my experience that guys are not so forthcoming anyways. They prefer to remain mysterious whilst asking you to lay yourself bare in 5 minutes. I'm even shocked survey firms have not found their way into relationships and courtship yet, considering how impatient men are about knowing whether to drop anchor or sling their hooks.
So if you know you are going to lie anyways, is there a point to conducting any discoveries? We are back to my first question, is full disclosure feasible? I think it causes more harm than good but they say confession is good for the soul. So what is better; excess guilt in your heart and a happily oblivious significant other or a good, clean soul and a hurting or dead relationship? Hit me up and let's talk.
