Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Life and times of lovelorn Lagos Sisis- Tinuke's Story

This is the last in the Lovelorn Lagos Sisi series. Meet *Tinuke Dauda. She is a boisterous 'business woman' with a very dark past. She has agreed that this story can be shared but her name should be kept out of it.

Hello cherry's cocos. In the spirit of full disclosure, I guess I should introduce myself. My name is Tinuke Dauda. I am a "business woman". You have met my two looser best friends and you've heard of their "ordeals" in the quest for a partner to settle down with.

Whenever they start their whining, I just roll my eyes. They want to get married like yesterday. They want a guy they can grow old with. Their families are frustrating them blah blah blah. Don't get me wrong, I want to get married too. I want the happily ever after and all that drama but I want it with YOUR husband or preferably, YOUR father. Yup. I'm not interested in any stupid pencil pusher small boy that makes 1 Million a year. I can and have made 1million in an hour. It is all in a day's work, my friends.

Judge me all you want. I am laughing all the way to the bank. But that's the business side. For the romance side, yes, I don't have a problem with being a 2nd, 3rd, 4th or 5th wife. I don't mind at all. I also don't mind if I never get married. I have a plan for such eventuality: 2 or 3 strategically conceived kids will do me nicely. You will find out what I mean by "strategically conceived" as you read on.  I don't need love or all those other fairytales people delude themselves into.

If you haven't guessed by now, older men of means are my speciality. I've been called all sorts because of this; someone that wants to reap where she did not sow etc. Water off a duck's back. I have paid my dues in life and I don't see why I shouldn't enjoy the comfort the arms of an older man has to offer. And anyways, the people complaining do not know the purpose I serve or how hard I work. They go to their little 9-5s and come and sit down to point fingers. I am on call 24 hours of the day. My job is never done. Not that I'm complaining because I'm rewarded handsomely for it. Like I said, I have paid my dues and I have learnt my lessons.

I find younger men disgusting and they are an abomination to me. If a young man catches fire next to me, i would not spit on him to help him put the fire out. My people have a saying: if you see a man and you see a snake, it is better for you to kill the man than the snake. That saying just essentially means men are treacherous and you should trust a snake instead of a man. I think they should further qualify that by saying young men or small pias as i like to call them. All these chewing gum boys have nothing to offer anybody. I keep telling my friends but they have refused to listen. They have no integrity, they are not generous, they are just a bunch of oponu rada radas. It is strictly older men for me from now on.

"but Tinuke, why so bitter?" I hear you ask. Yoruba people say sometimes there is a conversation to be had, but there is no time, sometimes there is time but there is nothing to say. Today we have both time and something to say.  Let me tell you about my own quest for love and marriage.

I met *Kunle Odunlami in my 1st Year at the Ogun State University.   I was this naive girl, fresh off the boat from Ilaro where I had lived all my life with my parents. It was the Mills and Boon era when girls had the mills and boon definition of what the men of their dreams should look like. Kunle was intelligent and he had the m&b triple threat qualifier; he was tall, dark and handsome. (I just vomited a little bit in my mouth for saying that. I think we should sue M & B for false advertisment, breach of reasonable expectation etc. They lied. There is no man like that on earth. But i digress) anyways, Kunle saw me struggling with my things at the motor park and he rushed to help me. Can anyone say 'knight in shiny amour'? So I was completely bowled over by that gesture. He helped me to the front of my hostel and cheerily bade me goodbye. I was awe struck. People, Kunle was ffffoooooiiiiinnnneee. I was no Jenifa from Aiyetoro but I wasn't the most sophisticated looking girl you had ever seen. I was giddy for weeks off the memory of my gorgeous knight.

 Ogun State University is a big place and at that time, we had 4 campuses and I didn't know if I would ever run into Kunle again. Imagine my delight when I ran into Kunle at a canteen on campus. He looked really happy to see me too. He paid for my meal and we got talking. We talked for hours on end. We talked about family, upbringing, primary school, pets etc. We just talked and talked. I felt I had known him my whole life. We reluctantly said goodbye after he drove me to my hostel. That was the beginning of my ordeal in the hands of Kunle Odunlami. I rue that day.

Shortly after the soul search session, Kunle and I started dating. It was magical for the first 6 months; he convinced me to buy pots and pans and start going to the local market, he would come over and I would prepare meals for us, he would invite his friends and their girlfriends over and we would have dinner parties, he would spend the night and we would go to school together. We began to live like a married couple. He had been going on about sex for the longest time. Anytime he brought it up  I would  insist that I wanted to remain a virgin for my husband. He would laugh and say he was my husband anyways.

We had been dating for 6 months when it happened for the first time. He came back from school and he was very moody. I tried to find out what was wrong and he just yelled at me and I said I was just trying to help. That reply must have set him off cos the next thing I knew, he pounced on me, ripped off my panties and forced himself inside me. I was being raped by my boyfriend. Kunle forcibly took my virginity. I was too stunned to cry. When he grunted his last and rolled off me, I just laid there and stared at the ceiling. After 5 minutes, he got up, got on his knees and started crying and begging. It was the devil, he was very sorry. I was shocked out of my prone state as i stared at the sight of this grown man sobbingnlike a child died in his arms. Body wracking sobs. I started crying too and CONSOLING HIM! Imagine that. I was consoling him. The slimy bastard that just raped me.

This was just the beginning of my woes. Wo, my dears, we shall continue later.

*all names are not real names. I apologize if they are actual peoples' names or they bear any resemblance to people you may know.


  1. can't wait for the continuation.
    Kunle raped that girl and blackmailed her with tears oloshi

  2. Tinuke sounds very bitter and like she has been badly scarred. To be raped by a boyfriend that you love and trusted is terrible. Now that was really sad. Waiting for the next episode. I feel for her. :-(

  3. Cherrycoco don come again. Waiting for the next installment. you know i love your lovelorn sisi series!

  4. babe, do quick and give us the next instalment naa, i cant wait, been stalking ur blog since.

  5. Dasu, it has been put up. I apologize for the piss taking. Lol. Che, Coy-introvert and Ginger; my lovelies, thanks for stopping by

  6. I just saw part 2 bt wanted to read part 1 first. Dis is crazy. Awon oloshious fellow. Typical abuser: do bad & blackmail with tears & 'I love you' mshew. Now proceeding to part 2


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