I am going to be extremely busy at work today so I decided to do this post early.
This is one day when I don’t have to think long and hard about the things
that just make my skin crawl. I am not happy with the 5 item limitation
though. But it will do. As CE will say “Cherry, you too get rules” I don’t,
really. Some things are really just gross and should not be done. So here
are some of my pet peeves.
1. Spittle hanging on the corner of people’s mouth when they are talking:
This grosses me out. Really, what are you saying that is that deep that you
haven’t taken time to notice that there is a huge wad of saliva
bungee-jumping off the side of your mouth??? My mother says ‘iro no la ba ni
ibe’ that means you are probably lying, this one that you can’t take the
time to quickly dart your tongue out and retract the saliva. As an off-shoot
of that, people that spit when speaking to people. I accept the occasional,
one-off spray but when it is every day you ‘water’ me with saliva, please
let us keep the conversation limited to the phone so you can drench your
phone and not me. There’s really no need to talk so viciously that you expel
2. The word ‘Hubby’ and people that use it. That word irritates me. Is
‘husband’ such a task to say that you feel the need to shorten it? ‘My hubby
and I are in town’. It is even worse when it used in a yoruba sentence ‘emi
ati hubby mi wa ni Abuja’ Aaaaaaaarrrrrggggghhhhhh. I hate it, hate it, hate
it. All those that use it, should be cornered and given 25 Haddi Lashings.
3. Lack of phone etiquette: You know the people talking on the phone and
you can hear them from 10 miles away? Ok, what is up with that? I don’t
dislike them as much as people that call your phone and say (very rudely
too) ‘who is this’. Are you kidding me? You freaking called me. I just hang
up because the alternative is to say “I will find you and kill you if you
ever call this phone again”
4. That one, extra long, pinky finger nail that some very tacky guys
have. WHAT IS IT FOR? Are you going to turn yourself to a human implement
like say a screw driver or a knife or a potato peeler? Someone once told me
that they use it to pick food out of their teeth. Ok Geniuses, that’s why
cavemen invented the nifty little pack of wood known as toothpicks
5. Hair on women’s legs: Jehovah Jireh my provider! Women, hair on the
legs is not a good look except you are a female tuber of yam or a female
monkey. If you are not,(and especially if you are under 55) throw some Veet on that shit and shave it off. Ditto 'bear-bear', armpit hair and if you are going to the beach/pool and
wearing a swim suit, vag-hair. If it is not hair that you want to plait or
put weave-on on, it has to come off. Let’s keep it neat people.
There’s a lot more. A whole lot more. But I shall rest my case here.