Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Madonna-Whore Complex




*Warning: this post contains some sexual contents. If you're under 18 or you're my sister, W, or my brother, A, stop reading NOW!*

I've been having a lot of conversations with this particular person that have been inspirations for my posts of recent. So, Chibueze, thank you for being my "muse"

So, I was chilling with my girl, Lara and the aforementioned Chibueze and we were shooting the breeze and talking about relationships and suddenly, the conversation turned to sex in marriages. And Chibueze proposed that most men would never ask their wives to perform certain sexual acts on them because those women are their wives and they don't think their wives should do things like that. I felt this was a lot of hogwash and a major cause of extra-marital affairs because men dream up this madonna-whore thing by labeling certain women in certain ways.
                                                  
I was particularly concerned about what he said because I realized it was probably the way 80% of men feel about sex in their marriages. To my mind, the kind of men he was talking about, get married and begin to perceive their wives in a certain way; she is the life-giver to their perfect children and the only reason to desecrate her body will be when it is time to bring forth these perfect children so they "mate" to procreate(that even rhymed.lol) So I'm thinking that's every 2 years or so; depending on the type of family planning they practice. That's the madonna aspect. They look at their wives the way they look at their mums. We all want to believe our parents only had sex to the tune of the number of kids they have so in my case 3 times! So the wives take pride of place where the mothers are; saintly, does nothing disgusting (only missionary and only for the purpose of procreating) Pollyanna, Stepford wife. Period.

Now for satisfying the other baser needs, you look elsewhere. It is like a bad Mastercard advert: "for cooking and cleaning and children, there's wifey, for everything else, there's master-whore." *said in the bored voice-over of the advert man*
These men look to other women outside of their marriage to satisfy the freak in them. On the positive side, I think this is one of the major reasons why men rarely leave their wives for these heifers outside. They see them as, for want of a better word; whores. They are tools used to satisfy the needs the man thinks is too debauched for his wife to see to. So these men get girls to pee on them, to slap them around a little bit, to stick them up the ass with dildos etc etc. We have heard of these types of cases from Politicians to business men.
                                                           
These are the type of men running around, placing impossible conditions on women, talking about "I must marry a virgin" (I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being a virgin) so when they finally find their virgins, they put a ring on it and display them in the Smithsonian Museum of Happily Ever After, taking them out once in two years to "polish" them and putting them back on display.
But where did this attitude of categorizing certain women as madonna and certain women as whore come from? A woman who is married to a man, pledged to honour him with her body. Not just as a receptacle of his seed but for every purpose (aside from punching bag) your wife is there to satisfy your every need: emotional, physical, sexual, intellectual and every other 'al' I can't think of right now. So why do you shut her out by placing a restriction on the type of things she can and can't do with you?
Let me let you men in on a secret, your wife is a bigger freak than you are or if she's not, she's willing to learn and do whatever it takes to keep you and her marriage. We women have always heard from older sisters, cousins, friends and American movies that if you don't give a man what he wants, there's someone else outside that will go that extra mile. A friend once told me how her neighbor came crying to their house because her husband had told her to give him a blow job (this was in the 90s before the blow-job epidemic of 2000 and beyond, where a man cannot walk outside of his house for fear of being assaulted with a blow job on a platter of gold) and she was inconsolable. My friend's mum told her she had to do it and even develop a liking for it because that's what her husband wanted and if she insists on not doing it, another girl would. That's sound advice. Women are not as squirmish as men think they are. We have the propensity to shit babies out at random and you think we can't handle a little reverse cow-girl? Give me a break!

If your wife is not into whatever you're into then your marriage is in trouble. And I think a lot of it emanates from men failing to level up with their wives. Look, there's nothing wrong in saying "baby, I have a penchant for S&M. I can't cum if I'm not being whipped to within an inch of my life" Yes, she will be shocked. She may cry for a day or two, but that's not because she's sad that you're a sexual deviant, its because she's wasted so much time in doing the wrong things. Trust me, by the end of the week, she will be the proud owner of a cat- o- nine tails whip, a leather bustier, a gimp mask, thigh high boots and the name; Lady Painderella. What woman won't give anything to whoop their triffling husband's butt???? I digress.

We can't lay the entirety of the blame of the madonna-whore complex solely at men's feet. Certain women believe in this complex too and they make me so mad! In an African setting,the wife is the life-giver and nurturer. Mix in some religion and it is a potent mix indeed. You are told in church and by your parents that you MUST be a good girl and that follows you through life and messes things up for you sometimes. Some wives believe that upon marriage and having one or two kids, they should be elevated to the position of sainthood. All these sexual things are beneath them. Excuse me Saint Wifey: SHAPE UP OR SHIP OUT!!! Nowhere in christian religion ( don't know about others) does it say "thou shalt not get freaky with it". It says tho that you should not commit adultery and if you're not coming up with the goods and your husband commits adultery, both of you have sinned because you have deliberately withheld your body from him (thus breaking your wedding vows) leading him to share his with strange women( thus committing the act of adultery) No one can tell me, hand on heart, that there's a portion of the bible that says you shouldn't drop it like its hot on your husband. No one! So let's be real. Marriage is a complex body with a lot of components and sex is just as important as trust, love and commitment. Also, men have the attention span of a 2 year old gnat with ADHD. They hear these things from their friends and they want to try it out, like a new shiny toy. Just indulge them and go with the flow. You may just enjoy it yourself.

You don't need two or more different women to satisfy your needs. You need the one. And I know some wives are getting on in age with diminishing sexual libidos but you can't count them out of the game yet. If there are new things you've heard about, share them with your wife, she may roll her eyes at you but I guarantee you she's on the internet the next day researching the hell out of those things. Women are really biddable when they're in love.
                                                             
                                                      

                                            


Final thots: there is no woman that is a madonna or a whore. We are both things. I make bold to say, under the right circumstances and with the right persuasion, we are more of whores. That girl you think is such a good girl is probably holding out on you and is probably an Olympic sex champion gold medalist. That's not to say you should start wondering the whore to madonna ratio in every girl you meet. I'm just saying don't peg women as one thing, we are more complex than even we know. And ladies, I can't count the number of times I've heard men from Ludacris to Joe Average on the streets, say: "we want a lady in the streets but a freak in the bed" I know men have double standards and if you bust a move on him, he may break up with you for being a big slut but a lot of guys ( at least the ones I've spoken to) appreciate a girl who will put in some work. It makes life fun because the rest of your life is indeed a long time.

©  2011 Cherrywine. www.cherrychatter.blogspot.com


4 comments:

  1. Do men really think like this? Sad! No wonder so many of them cheat :(

    Adiya
    http://thecornershopng.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  2. "for cooking and cleaning and children, there's wifey, for everything else, there's master-whore." LMAO!!!

    CHERRY you dey craze... :)

    Angela

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  3. loved loved loved this. I have heard it from so many men too. They think their wives should be eggs. Saintly. and the thing is cause they project that expectation , the woman feels she has to step up to the image to and the vicious circle starts. i was known in University for preaching to my sister classmates that while virginity is good, pls douse thyself in Cosmo and Kama sutra. They prolly thought I was the sinner thru and thru. shrug. And really this talk should best take place before marriage. Not in or after. Really

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