Marital Sexing

Hey party people! How's it hanging? Hope we are all having a great week so far.

Are we all grown folks up in here? All under 21s should get off this post! I am not playing with y'all. This is for grown wimens and miens. I know that some of you sabi pass me sef but I will not be responsible for destroying your "presumed innocence". I am not here for that. Now.... GERROUT!!!!!!!

Ok, now that we have chased all the children away, let's gist.

So I was in bed on Saturday ( I did not get out of bed till past three...mi o l'owo, sugbon mo l'alafia o jare) and a conversation I had with a friend started to play in my mind. We were talking about reasons/expectations for marriage and she said frankly, companionship ranked third on her list of reasons to get married. Her first two reasons were guilt free sex and procreation. It then dawned on me that when most people get to their 30s, they view marriage from a more dispassionate view point that verges on harshly realistic. Hearts, ponies and roses disappear faster than you can say LaCampaignTropicanna. They take a hard look at life and reassess their priorities, stat.

But this is actually a post for yet another day.

Source: www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com

Having touched on the subject of sex, I then asked myself, we all want that guilt free sexing but "what is permissible in the realm of marital (Christian) sex?" Now you are old enough and married enough to do the do but what is permitted on the sacred marital bed? Are we, as Christians limited in what freakery we can engage in once we get married? What is the place of sex toys in a Christian marriage, for instance?

You see, all my life, sex has been approached as a thing shrouded in utmost secrecy.We are so unprepared for sex but shockingly, we are expected to eventually have it and not just have it but it is requisite for having a sustained and satisfying marriage, so you should be good at it. Yet, no one has pulled me aside to tell me the dos and don'ts of a Christian sex life. Most  Nigerian women were raised same as me, the only sex talk they had was of the scaring persuasion. It was never discussed in-depth and most Christian women approach it clinically, viewing it as their marital crosses to bear.  If you can't tell, I am not one of those (I have been celibate for too long) and my friend above won't be either ( she's a proud, card carrying member of Team V). We have kept it in our pants long enough and all we want is to cut loose and enjoy our marital sexing. I have always been an advocate of women being as freaky as humanly and safely possible within the bounds of marriage but I find that a lot of us don't know what to do vis-a-vis what is permitted and what is forbidden in our Christian sex lives.

The bible doesn't really regulate the sex life of married folks so we don't have much of a blue print to go on. But I am fairly certain that were I to raise the issue of using a sex toy in a bible study filled with holy and sanctified women, my face would be plastered on Chivita 'juwis' cartons and pure water bags from here to Portiskum, detailing how I am a Jezebel, possessed by the spirit of the soft and rubbery anti-christ.  While there is nothing specific on such issues and the bible goes out of its way to stress that it is really our innards that count to God, I'm sure someone would find a way to doctrinize the topic and fish out obscure bible verses or even well known ones that are not on all fours with the matter at hand to justify why lying like an ice fish on the bed is the ONLY  way God intended for us to have sex.  Yet, I do not see "Thou shall not reverse cow-girl the hell out of your wife" in any of the ten commandments, beautides, nothing.

I was once told of a friend's neighbour that ran teary-eyed and distraught to the friend's mum talking about her husband wanted a blow job and it was against her religion to rock the mic. What religion is this? Where did we Christians purchase this holy-holy attitude from? Who are those perpetuating and religionising these doctrines that cannot be backed by any scripture without turning it on its head? I find that people feel safe hiding behind these tennents of 'holy sex' and their secret lives will simply blow the gasket of your mind. You hear all sorts from holy men (and women) who wave their bibles about, telling you all you must do with your husband/wife is pray, pray and pray some more. It is these same men (and women) that will then go out there and procure the services of runs girls (sugar boys) to whip them within an inch of their lives or whatever freaky stuff they are into.

So why, within the bounds of marriage, can I not have hot, crazy, from the window to the wall sex with my husband, employing any tools or tricks we believe would enhance the sexual experience??? This is the ONLY  legitimate outlet for our sexual passions so why do we kill it in the name of God, when God has said nothing of the sort? Why does the issue of coitus have the mouths of Christian mams turned up at the sides? Why do I feel like all we do as Christians is to advocate modesty, rationing and  restraint ( a lot of restraint)  in our sex lives? Who told us that awesome sex was reserved for 'those in the world?' Just as an aside, I always die when I hear husband and wife refer to themselves as mummy and daddy, I just think of what their sex life must be like and I shudder.

So perhaps, like the unmarried girl that I am, I am running my mouth a bit too much. Does anyone care to expatiate on what is acceptable on the marriage bed? Or it is just a 'whatever rocks your boat' situation? Are there portions of the bible that I am not averting my mind to? The truth is I have always felt guilty about sex from a sin standpoint but I feel that guilt is transposed into marriage and going into my marriage, I really do not want to have to deal with that guilt. So...inquiring minds really want to know because I plan on going at it with my husband barring any legitimate restraint.