Friday, October 25, 2013

No walking....No talking. Get your ego out of my face!!

This post is for my dear friend CE. I'm still your paddy despite the sentiments expressed hereunder. You know now *winks*

Broses of our land...what is Strong with you all??? I ask you. Please note that this question is not rhetorical and also that this is about to be a stern talking-to, menfolk, you've been forewarned.
I would like to know what you guys think you are doing. I think my question would be taken out of context if I don't set the scene for you guys. So here we go.

I was chatting with a friend about this and that a few months ago. I hadn't seen him in over a year and when I lived in Abuja before, we would hang out, do movies or whatever. Anyhoo, in the year plus I moved away from Abuja, he got in a relationship. So we were discussing that and then he asked me this: "Cherry, if I had asked you out that time, would you have said yes?" The question is harmless of itself, but it occurred to me that this wasn't the first guy that was asking me this question.  Off the top of my head, I would say about four guys had asked this inane question. A pattern had emerged. I am friendly with these guys, no moves made on either part, they get into a relationship and now begin conducting the 'shoulda, coulda, woulda' survey. 

What is the purpose of this academic exercise, since the answer is now moot? I said to my friend that I think that question just serves to polish the ego and swell the head of the asker if answered in the affirmative. You did not make a move to ask me out, but you want to be secure in the knowledge that had you bothered to make the effort, I would have said yes. Again, I ask, what is Strong with you, gentlemen? I actually think that it is very insulting.

And you know what is even more annoying?  I find these guys don't stop there. They want to take you through every feeling they had back then to the exact date, with garbage like " do you remember the 8th of August, 1999, when you were wearing a yellow dress and had the sun in your eyes? I almost kissed you that day" or other dumb stuff like "you know, if all went according to plan, you could totally have been Mrs. Cherry Lagbaja-Tamedu  by now" and end the conversation with "well, that was back in the days jare"  NiggerDude, are you high???  You either shitdo a number two , or you get off the pot. You have clearly chosen option 'get off the pot', so what makes you think you can make me your emotional hostage with nostalgic feelings of sun in my eyes and almost kisses? Tah!!! My friend, get the heck out of here!!!

I am a bit pained, as you can tell. I'm not pained because of the 'prizes' I supposedly lost out on. I am pained because I see too much childish  'na nana na na' in that mess. You were single, I was single. No impediments whatsoever, nothing doing then. You were plotting and scheming but in the end, no dice. You go your merry way, I go mine. You now come back when you feel you are in a strong position to torment me with rubbish. What is it about dating another woman that cleared your throat? Ehn? I ask you? Whatever was blocking your mouth from speaking then, fled, and now you feel you should drop some knowledge on me? 
Like I said, I don't think it bores down to shyness. I chalk it down to ego and being able to convince and congratulate yourself that you are irresistible to womenfolk, whether or not you approached them for a relationship. So guys, be warned. No one is really interested in going down memory lane with you if you are not recounting shared experiences and looking into each other's eyes when doing so. It is a terrible waste of our time. I mean 15 to 20 minutes that we cannot get back! We would rather be watching our nails grow or pulling them out with pliers! That's how much, we don't want to go down memory lane with another woman's boyfriend/husband. If you were not able to make your intentions known in due time, take that shi mess to your grave. No one cares now. 

If you feel otherwise, hit me up with why I, or any other 'almost' girlfriends, need to listen to this fact, just hit me up regardless. Have a lovely weekend my Cherry cocos.


  1. Blogger has to come up with emoticons.....the "No Comments" before I decided to leave a comment is apt. absolutely No comments cos Cherry just addressed all those 'boys' yes 'boys' who got into a relationship only to come and ask the stupid question while in a relationship. A real man would have asked before getting into another relationship, at least as a joke. While we're still friends, have the guts to jokingly say, "would you date me if I asked you out?" that way your "Indeflatable Ego" would still be intact if the lady said No, afterall na joke..... Men need to read this, if you think about it, then ask immediately, don't come back years later with woulda, coulda shoulda....nonsense!!!

  2. I love this girl Cherrywine!

    1. Please tell me, what's not to love about Cherry?!?!
      Another round of applause for this post, Cherrykoko! While (thankfully) I haven't had to deal with this (iThink) I can just totally imagine if any of my present or past friends should come up with such do you really think I need to know this piece of information now?! Seriously? Oosi ni ile pako!

  3. cherry oh!!! u hav killed me this afternoon oh!!! lwkmd

  4. LOL, i find that most times that this kind of thing comes up they secretly are hoping that you will be their side-piece or backup option if they breakup with the current gf (in addition to the ego thing)

    1. I agree with Lady Ngo jare. Once upon a time...a friend who is married now told me that. ..if only I had been patient, I would have married u.Tah. so y were u not patient. Y are u giving me stories now. You could v waited if u were determined to instead of the marriage of regret u got urself into. Anyways... the long n short of this was that, he wanted me as his side chick so whenever he had issues at home he could always run into my arms. He claims he is still in love o. Pshewwww. Nonsense.

  5. Can't stop laughing... Plss tell dem guys.

    I agree with Lady Ngo, it happened to me and the guy said he chose the 'wrong' girl (my cousin o) and wanted me as a side piece... Oshisco

  6. Ok zank u all for ur comments... Zank u.. But madam cherry, what would your answer have been... Pls no complex cherry rants simple YES or NO. Adupe

  7. On point as usual.

  8. The question should be filed under 'pointlessly pointless!' And yes, I agree with you it's just an ego-massager, especially when the current boo is not quite what they envisioned!

  9. My darlings, in fact, your comments warmed the cockles of my heart. Y'all took it to a different level, pointing out angles I had not even considered.

    @Gemstots: Lmao! O ti binu ni yen o? Lol. No vex my dear, even with boys running around and being deliberately vexatious.

    @Anon1: I love you too for reading hun!

    @HoneyDame: Na real oosi ni ile pako. You are so lucky. I seem to be perpetually plagued with askers of this stewpid question

    @Moshalewa: Thanks for reading babe

    @LadyNgo: Right??? They be out there trying to have side pieces! Bloody jokers.

    @Yamee: Lol. We rebuke the devil! Love ko, love ni. Are you a counsellor or a pastor? Why is he running to you wit his marital nonsense? These boys kill me. Eni ti o ra eru ni ko gbe. Rubbish and nonsense

    @Dayor: See wahala! Not only is he a creep, he also wants to break up the family??/ The devil is a liar!

    @Anon2: Not to be complexly ranting, but the yorubas say the name of one's child resides in one's belly.

    @Anon3: Thanks hun

    @ @ilola: In fact, vex does not cover it

    @1+The One: Kai, what a great blog post title: pointlessly pointless. That is exactly what it is. You're so right.

    Thanks for all your comments guys

  10. Great post Cherrywine! Do you have an email address pelase? :D

  11. Oops, meant to type "please". :)

  12. No worries hun. Thanks for your comment. I do have an email address . It is

  13. You are quite right, it's more of an ego boost than anything else.
    It's something I've done before, and not like I was in a relationship when I told my female friend. I can only speak for myself, did it to admit to myself that, that feeling was past gone.
    Looking back at it, I think it is unnecessary, cos at the end of the day it doesn't change anything, but satisfy a selfish need (massage ego).


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