This post is for my dear friend CE. I'm still your paddy despite the sentiments expressed hereunder. You know now *winks*
Broses of our land...what is Strong with you all??? I ask you. Please note that this question is not rhetorical and also that this is about to be a stern talking-to, menfolk, you've been forewarned.
I would like to know what you guys think you are doing. I think my question would be taken out of context if I don't set the scene for you guys. So here we go.
I was chatting with a friend about this and that a few months ago. I hadn't seen him in over a year and when I lived in Abuja before, we would hang out, do movies or whatever. Anyhoo, in the year plus I moved away from Abuja, he got in a relationship. So we were discussing that and then he asked me this: "Cherry, if I had asked you out that time, would you have said yes?" The question is harmless of itself, but it occurred to me that this wasn't the first guy that was asking me this question. Off the top of my head, I would say about four guys had asked this inane question. A pattern had emerged. I am friendly with these guys, no moves made on either part, they get into a relationship and now begin conducting the 'shoulda, coulda, woulda' survey.
What is the purpose of this academic exercise, since the answer is now moot? I said to my friend that I think that question just serves to polish the ego and swell the head of the asker if answered in the affirmative. You did not make a move to ask me out, but you want to be secure in the knowledge that had you bothered to make the effort, I would have said yes. Again, I ask, what is Strong with you, gentlemen? I actually think that it is very insulting.
And you know what is even more annoying? I find these guys don't stop there. They want to take you through every feeling they had back then to the exact date, with garbage like " do you remember the 8th of August, 1999, when you were wearing a yellow dress and had the sun in your eyes? I almost kissed you that day" or other dumb stuff like "you know, if all went according to plan, you could totally have been Mrs. Cherry Lagbaja-Tamedu by now" and end the conversation with "well, that was back in the days jare"
NiggerDude, are you high??? You either shitdo a number two , or you get off the pot. You have clearly chosen option 'get off the pot', so what makes you think you can make me your emotional hostage with nostalgic feelings of sun in my eyes and almost kisses? Tah!!! My friend, get the heck out of here!!!
I am a bit pained, as you can tell. I'm not pained because of the 'prizes' I supposedly lost out on. I am pained because I see too much childish 'na nana na na' in that mess. You were single, I was single. No impediments whatsoever, nothing doing then. You were plotting and scheming but in the end, no dice. You go your merry way, I go mine. You now come back when you feel you are in a strong position to torment me with rubbish. What is it about dating another woman that cleared your throat? Ehn? I ask you? Whatever was blocking your mouth from speaking then, fled, and now you feel you should drop some knowledge on me?
Like I said, I don't think it bores down to shyness. I chalk it down to ego and being able to convince and congratulate yourself that you are irresistible to womenfolk, whether or not you approached them for a relationship. So guys, be warned. No one is really interested in going down memory lane with you if you are not recounting shared experiences and looking into each other's eyes when doing so. It is a terrible waste of our time. I mean 15 to 20 minutes that we cannot get back! We would rather be watching our nails grow or pulling them out with pliers! That's how much, we don't want to go down memory lane with another woman's boyfriend/husband. If you were not able to make your intentions known in due time, take that
shi mess to your grave. No one cares now.