Tuesday, September 10, 2013

First Birthdays, First Presents

First off, thanks for all your love, concern, messages, comments and prayers with regards to my accident. The out pouring of love and concern was overwhelming. Thank you all.

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A friend of mine recently got into a relationship. She's not the most vocal person in the world but I can tell she is feeling the guy. His birthday is coming up and she sent me a message yesterday asking  what type of present she could get for her boyfriend in a relationship that was barely a month old.

What do you get for the very first birthday in a relationship?I remember I had this type of dilemma and handled it differently at  different times.  You all know that I love birthdays, mine and anyone else's. I get so excited and I start planning presents in my head. I want something nice and memorable all at once. But the first birthday with the significant other is always a tricky issue. Normally, if yours is the first, you can sort of follow the leader, in the sense that, what you are given will set the tone for the gift giving level of the relationship. But when you are the one dictating the pace, it is quite tricky to get right. You don't want to go too big; you want to work up to your greatness. How do you come back for an all expense paid trip to Mauritius? You have finished yourself na. The expectation for the next birthday would be a trip to space and the next one a trip to heaven. Similarly, you don't want to go too small. You don't want to go with a home made garri-cake simply because it is the first birthday and you want to work up to your greatness.

I have gone really big before and got burnt. I got an ex a really,really, really expensive watch for the first birthday. My sister side-eyed the life out of me but I was protected in the bubble of my own lurv sturvs so I didn't feel the impact of the side eyeing. That relationship didn't even last till my own birthday! Sucks to be me.  You know I wanted my watch back! But for serious 'mind side-eye', I would have called to collect my watch and pawn it to make my money back. The next relationship, I took the guy to dinner. It was a really lovely dinner at a nice seafood restaurant. I think that is the right balance. Not cheap, but not a completely grand gesture either. Working one's way up to the said greatness.

When my friend asked my opinion, I had a long list of what NOT to give for the first birthday. The list swings both ways, but it is usually girls that find themselves in the pickle of what to give. Blame it on our thoughtful nature. Anyway. here are some of the items on my ' do not even think about it list' in no particular order:

  • Expensive-ass wristwatches and/or jewellery:   see reason above. Learn from me people.
  • Holidays: Again see reason above. How do you come back from this in a none anti-climatic way? 
  • Monogrammed His & Hers towels: Ok creepy, it is the first birthday of your relationship. Try not to run him off. Ditto monogrammed bathrobes, monogrammed jewellery proclaiming 'temi' or 'love of my life'  or 'my heart belongs to you' or 'Jack & Jill 2013' or any other clingy rubbish. In fact, avoid monogrammed stuff all together on the first birthday.
  • Massages: It is the first birthday. This just reeks of a more comfortable and steady relationship.
  • Deeds to your property: Don't side eye me, it has been known to happen. Let him huff and puff and blow the whole house down, make sure you hold on firmly to your deed. No be you koba am. Let all things belong to both of you in a marriage. Not now.
  • Virginity: If there are still any of you rare breeds out there, I beg you with the mercies of God, please DO NOT GIVE ANYONE YOUR VIRGINITY AS A BIRTHDAY PRESENT. DO. NOT. DO. IT!!!!!!!!!!! It always seems like a good idea at the time, but it never is. Your virtue is not a birthday present at any point in time, let alone on the first birthday.
  • Cars:  You are not Kim Kardashian. Enough said.
  • Money: she ori e pe sha? He's not a prostitute. Even if he is, he must surely be off the clock when it is 'us time'. Stop she be!

These are some of the things I think are no-nos, only because I feel when the first birthday rolls around, it is likely the relationship is still a burgeoning one. I think it is imperative to give it time before pulling out all the stops. Plus if the person is the one, you have a life time of gift giving ahead of you. I would liken it to a 10,000 metres sprint. Mo Farrah starts with his best foot forward certainly, but he paces himself and gives it a big push in the end to win the race. There will come a time when giving holidays will not be too fast, too soon, when giving someone a car will not be extravagant, when buying adjoining cemetery plots as a gift will be appropriate. The time is not the first birthday.  That is my opinion.

The real conundrum in this post is this: I was able to list all the things not to give but came up short on ideas of what to give. I like experience presents, so I would give a dinner, tickets to a play or a comedy show for a first birthday or first valentine. I find knowing what he needs at the time also helps. So he may need an external hard drive or something, That would make a good gift for that period, I guess. But I really don't have a go-to first birthday present.  So I would like comments on what you think about my opinion on gift giving on first birthdays as well as what an appropriate first birthday present should be. Don't say perfume and shirt sha o. We all know that one.

 Cherrio Cherrycocos.


15 comments:

  1. first of all ,lool @ u are not Kim K . i agree about not going too much for first present .am also more sure of the 'what not to give list' than the 'what to give '. But i would suggest a nice cake (maybe his favorite type if u know it) or a bottle of his favorite wine/liquor and a card ... i dunno sha lol

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  2. Nice list! lol

    I agree with you, I prefer 'experience' gifts because it shows that you really thought about it and not a random 'perfume and shirt' lol

    She should know him to an extent now, so what does he like? What do you think you will get him and his eyes will light up with 'recognition'? Something inexpensive as well lol..

    I like the taking out to dinner idea (especially if he is the one who takes you out most of the time and he likes to eat), with a small gift to accompany it. xx

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  3. Lmaooo @ stop she be. Cherry, you are just something. I was actually thinking dinner too so yea.

    Bia, are you sure we can't steal that your wristwatch back?

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  4. Really, it is always difficult, cos one is still tryna make a good impression.

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  5. LMaoo...why not perfume and shirt?! haba! My first gift to bithday gift to YY was a set of tie, socks and cufflinks (I think I added a pack of white singlet too)...I would have gone the whole 9 yards and added boxers to it too buttt.....like you said, for mature relationships only....hehehehe. The more interesting part is that, for lack of an option, I had to pack and wrap it in a "hair relaxer box"...amean, i needed to make it presentable and I had no box so I stuffed it there and wrapped it. he unwrapped while I wasnt there and didnt even bother opening the box.....LMAOO...I should write a blog post for this abeg!
    Bia, people give people property deeds for birthdays?!!! where are these rare men?!!!!!!!
    LMAOOOO @Virginity present. I have kukuma heard of that aplenty...At that rate, I dont know who is gettting what gift anymore..is he getting ur virginity as gift or are you getting your first vaginal sex as gift....odikwa very confusing.


    When in doubt, shirts and perfumes are the way!!!!

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  6. very very difficult to decide... but she can try giving him a nice wallet, or a nice pen. And a card.

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  7. lolllllll. Honeydame, you need Jesus!
    perfumes are winners sha, so i will suggest that.
    God knows i would have gotten that watch back if i were u
    Hope you're feeling better btw?

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  9. Kai women have suffered sha in this gift-giving game, lol...I gave an ex a pricey wristwatch - which he evidently loved so much that he wore it on his wedding day... and wait, people give property deeds as pressies? YG what is wrong with your own head?!

    #Dead at Honeydame wrapping a gift in hair relaxer box!

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  10. @Ema Leecious: Thanks for your comment

    @Funbi Sowande: It sort of is easier to come up with the don't list, isn't it? Cake and alcohol; nice 'go to' presents

    @1+The One: I think expereince gifts are the best. With the advent of deal dey (free publicity) you can get experience gifts for less and it would still be worthwhile. I tots agree that knowing him well enough would make the gift giving easier.

    @Toinlicious: walahi, I almost did. I just thought I should have small dignity and 'chest' the pain of losing out on my money and in love. lol

    @Atilola: Seriously.

    @HoneyDame: I think I need to dedicate a whole post to addressing this your malfeasance. So you can give singlet but boxers is where you draw the line???Tomato/Tomato my friend!!!YY na better guy o. Receiving shitty gifts in a relaxer box...could you have made any less of an effort. I swear, were I to be him, your birthday present would be a #250 voucher to your neighbourhood Iya Sikira. With expiration date sef. Lol People kukuma give property. They are mostly women sha

    @Sisi Yemmie: I like those kind of 'can't shout' presents jare.

    @Luciano: Lol. I just think it is unimaginative to go perfume route just because the person is expecting it jare. But when in doubt, always turn to fragrance.

    @Blogoratti: Thank you

    @YG: Chai!!!! And I thought I suffered! My dear, you had a legitimate reason to not let those two be joined together in holy matrimony, with his rat-ass. My sister, pele.

    Thank you all for your comments.

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  11. I thought your post will help *wails*
    Its DBF's birthday soon and you can't understand the headache I'm having thinking of what to get him.

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    ReplyDelete
  13. Gifting with flowers and cakes is the best thing as they essentially convey your message to the people you love and care for.
    Send Gifts in Bangalore

    ReplyDelete

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