Blood Drive

Our country has experienced another senseless and mindless devastation wrecked on us by people who call themselves Nigerians.

I'm not here to help them promote the idiocy they think is a cause because that will be lending some unwarranted credence to aforesaid idiocy.

I'm here on a nation building business.

To everyone's surprise and horror, the National Hospital ran out of blood and needles. To the eternal credit of Nigerians, the young people most especially, there was a considerable turnout of people willing to donate their blood but there were no tools to make this happen.

Blood is never enough. There is a constant need for blood in hospitals. It is not our civic duty to donate blood, but it is THE decent thing to do for fellow human beings and it is really the least you can do. Please take a few minutes out of your time to give blood.
It is evident that the government is as confounded as you and I so there is definitely no help coming from that end. We need to galvanise and be proactive. Being the change you want to see is no longer just a saying. We must now live it. Let's start by doing this extremely decent thing and just showing that we care.
From about 11 am tomorrow, I will be at the National Hospital Abuja with a supply of syringes, cotton wools and plaster. If you are within the Abuja metropolis, please come through and donate blood. It will only take a few minutes of your time and it will definitely save a life someday. We do not pray to be in this situation. But when things like this happen we must show those bent on destroying this nation that we shall overcome one way or the other.

I am a proud Nigerian and as the Britons came out to clean their streets and do what was needful to restore order, we must do our own clean up and whatever is needful to save lives. See you guys tomorrow.

P:S: eat something before you come to donate. You can visit this website: http://www.livestrong.com/article/110887-side-effects-donating-blood/ to learn about the side effects of donating blood so you can make an informed decision. They are not that serious tho. Also, this site: http://www.americasblood.org/go.cfm?do=page.view&pid=12 has some useful facts and information about blood and donating generally. Thank you.

Life and times of lovelorn Lagos Sisis Episode 1

* these are series of stories by different women. They are adaptations and embellishments of stories told to me by my fellow lovelorn Lagos sisis. You won’t believe the crap we put up with in the quest for love*

Hey y’all, my name is Somtochi Ugoji. Friends and family call me Somto. I am 28 (and the half) I work for Akintola Delloite. I have been given the opportunity to share my quest for love and marriage with you guys by CherryWine. Hope you guys enjoy my story.

So being above 21 and unmarried in Lagos has now become a crime o. I am 28 (ok…ok…and a half) and because of that singular fact, even men that are 45 years old think I have expired. God punish all of them…it is them that will expire like bad soup. My mother has almost finished me with bad eye in the house, as if I’m not getting married on purpose, in order to spite her. I don’t have an opinion anymore in the house and they have refused to let me move out. If I say to the maid, ‘please go and bring me water’ my mother’s typical response is anywhere between a loooonnnnggggg hiss or a ‘go and be controlling the people in your husband’s house’ all said under her breath of course, because my no-nonsense father will give it to her on my behalf. She means well though and she only recently started acting like this.
This is the story of why my mother has been stink-eyeing me for the past six months.

It all began in March. I had just gotten home from work and I was watching TV in the sitting room; a rare occurrence since I hardly get back from work before 10 thanks to a bastard boss and the female-dog that is the Lagos State traffic. My mother, in her quest for a son-in-law, has helpfully suggested and even threatened to withdraw my car from me. Her rationale: if men see me standing by the road side in all my finery, they will ‘feel pity for me’ and offer me rides or offer to take me out from time to time and along the way of prostituting myself for free rides and free trips, I may land myself the much coveted husband……and also, I won’t have to drive in traffic again. Happy ending, she gets a son-in-law, I stop cursing.

Anyways, I digress

So there I was, unusually early and enjoying it. Mum was there with me as well, asking the barrage of questions that goes with the territory of watching ANYTHING with my mother. Then her phone rang and in her characteristic booming voice, she announced that it was Aunty Jo, her cousin who lives in Oklahoma. If you know anything about Oklahoma, it is that it is flooded with Nigerian boys, mainly of the ibo persuasion. If you know anything about Aunty Jo it is that she is a shameless and tactless matchmaker. After the usual pleasantries, I noticed my mum’s voice dropping an octave or 100,000 which is characteristic of her aproko ways with Aunty Jo. The conversation lasted another 25 minutes. I wasn’t really interested; Food Network Challenge had come on.

Over the next few days, I forgot about Aunty Jo and her call……ala pretty woman……big mistake, big…huge, mistake.

It was Saturday, and I was considering catching a movie with Joan and Tinuke (more on them later) when my mum came to my room, and sat on my bed (alarm bells) and with uncharacteristic chattiness for a Saturday morning, wanted to know my itinerary for the day. So I told her I was hanging out with the girls “girls! Girls!! Girls!!! She grumbled. ‘Somtochi are you a gay? There is no day I ask what you will be doing that you will say you are hanging out with boys. I did not raise a gay o. Jesus, see me o!’ finished my melodramatic mother whilst crossing herself. There is something about living under your parents’ roof that makes you regress to a 14 year old because instead of ignoring her, I pouted and told her that I hung out with plenty, plenty boys. ‘well there is no evidence of that’ she scoffed. ‘anyway no hanging today o. I’m expecting one of my relatives from America. So there is a lot to do’. I ended up going to the market and helping her prepare ofe nsala and assisting with the turning of the akpu and all that good stuff.

Should not my suspicions have been aroused when my mother insisted I wore the Ankara skirt and blouse she made for me that had been tucked away in my drawer since Christmas? My stupid suspicion had gone walkies by this time……the traitor!

So there I was, decked in the ugliest Ankara that looked like burial material watching tv, when the bell rang and I was instructed to go and open the door. On the other side of the door stood………stood this PERSON. I sort of sniggered to myself when I opened the door, wondering where my mother found all these her relatives from. From the permed hair with the ends sticking out, to the origami one-kind face, with the huge ‘bling-bling’ and earring that is meant to prove that he is from ‘Amlika’ and he has ‘swag’ to the over-dose of Louis Vuitton he had on him; shoes, belt and satchel.
‘Good evening’ sez I. ‘Gur efening’ he replied with a toxic mixture of Americana and konk ibo accent. Angels Michael and Gabriel must have both put their hands on my mouth at the same time because, only heaven knows how I didn’t burst out laughing there and then. ‘AM Chike but fraans call me Chyke’ Two things I hate; people that say Am instead of I’m and people whose names are Chyke. ‘I’m Somto. Pls come in, mum has been expecting you’
Abeg, more next time.
Somto

Are you auditioning?

Yup, she’s baaaaaaaack! 30 days challenge…… done and done! Let’s get back to being 100.

So is he auditioning? Is she auditioning? “Auditioning for what???” I hear you ask in confusion. Well, auditioning to be your boo of course. Don’t be alarmed by the concept. In relationships, we like to call a spade a garden implement, instead of what it really is...a spade. We try not to use certain words cos they are not cutesy enough for us and they help to portray people in a better light.
Here are some examples of the ‘garden implement theory’ phrases; Instead of saying a girl is a bitch, you say she’s playing hard to get. Instead of saying a boy is a standard bastard, you say ‘oh, I love bad boys’ instead of saying people are living in sin, you say they are co-habiting or they are live in lovers, instead of saying ‘get the hell away from me… I do not like you’, you say you are fronting. Very cutesy. In the same vein, instead of saying you are auditioning for the role of girl/boyfriend, you say you are asking someone out. Well the plain truth, booboo, is that your ass is auditioning!

There is nothing wrong with auditions. Movie stars (Nollywood, being the very obvious exception. I won’t go off on a tangent on this but…) audition for roles. That’s how the movie industry does quality control and guarantees that you are getting the best person to bring that role to life. So, in your relationship, you need to do some form of quality control and ensure the right person gets the role of your significant other.

We all go through the auditions, without even knowing we are going through it. Guys lock in on women they like and if they REALLY like the woman, they want to prove themselves. A guy that really likes you wants you to know he’s the best man you can ever be with. I’ve watched my male friends work and bending over backwards is an understatement. They will tie themselves into a pretzel knot to show you how great, how fun, how spontaneous, how loving, how giving, how lavish they are. And you that you know the boy personally, you’re saying to yourself, so there’s a human being hidden in the depths of his black heart after all. It is not because the guy is the greatest guy ever, it is because he is showing you the person he believes you want and wants you to believe he is.

Women are not exempt from auditions. Generally, women don’t do the asking out so that’s not where we audition. When you have this great guy turning up and doing amazing feats, almost turning water to wine for you, you sef will want to comport yourself in a befitting manner. Girls can audition!!!! Chineke! That’s when you remember that someone told you that you should never enter a car one leg first, that you should sit with your legs outside and swing both legs in. that’s when you become the epitome of manners and great poise. I’m not calling anyone out, but it is funny to see a girl that can shout ‘Oloshi!!!’ with the best of the conductors and garage touts, become this refined lady of an English manor when the time comes to sink her hooks into some unsuspecting and susceptible man. I love it. I love the way both parties run game on each other. It makes the chase fun.

What I have a problem with is those that continue sending representatives of themselves throughout the dating period. I think those people are very dangerous. Whilst auditioning is perfectly acceptable, at some point, you must stop being this ultra-you and just be you. I’ve heard stories of people finding out who their partners really are when they’ve gotten married and it is already too late.
There really is nothing you can do to detect a person who is auditioning for that ring short of hooking them up to a lie detector. So this is an appeal to those people who are over-auditioning, the real you can’t be that bad. It is time to let him/her shine through so that you are not accused of trapping somebody.

I don’t have a formula for finding people out but I think some simple things should give them away. If you’ve been dating a girl for 3 years and she’s never farted in your presence, runnnnnnn like hell cos chances are na her fart go smell pass for this life. If a girl tells you she can cook and you’ve never seen her do it but food miraculously arrives at the table, that heifer is either ordering in or she’s an ogbanje. We all need to slip up from time to time but if someone is PERFECT; I’m not talking about a perfect imperfection, just perfect-perfect, I would suspect that person because no one is perfect. We all have that dark, twisted side to us, it is the very nature of the beast and when a person accepts both what makes you perfect and what makes you imperfect is when it is said that the person is ‘in love with YOU’.
So, by all means audition, it is necessary for the relationship dance that we all do. But it is necessary to know when to strike a balance between what makes you real and what is a perfection parody because the truth is, you can’t keep a lie up for very long and when you are unable to keep it up = break up/divorce.

DAY 30: SOMETHING I'M EXCITED FOR/ABOUT

Yaaaaayyyyy! Thirty Days Challenge....Challenge Complete. (in my best robot voice) I'm super psyched. It's been interesting. I did get bored halfway through. But I'd like to thank those that left me comments and those in my feedjit live blog status who showed me that people came along fro the ride. I'd like to thank the regulars; HoneyDame,Dasu, Bucci, @ilola, Adiya, Ginger, Laurenta, Sisi Yemmie for their comments. If I didn't mention your name here, I'm sowi. Don't be mad. keep leaving me comments. Thanks to those that didn't leave comments but would ping me and turn up at my house demanding that I post urgently, folks like my sister's friend Tola and Angela. I'm just so glad I finished this challenge cos as my post on Zodiac sign said, I do have a short attention span.

Ok, before I make this post all about thanks and dedications, let's get to THE final post of the 30 days challenge (that felt so good to say)

what am I excited for? well, right now, I'm excited that I finished this challenge. But for the future, I'm excited about God. As you're all aware, I recently began a relationship with God. It has been a journey. I get really frustrated sometimes (like yesterday) because I really want this relationship to work this time and I want the tools that make it work sharpish.
I've been reading books by some serious people of God and I have a serious Holy Ghost envy. I want that great relationship they have with God, I envy it, I desire it. Yesterday, I found out there are no short cuts to God. You must read the word, follow the word, renew your mind and wait on God. I felt I had been waiting for a while and things were still not happening, so I got really frustrated.
But this morning, I read that God uses imperfect people to do His perfect will. I'm certainly imperfect, so I'm the perfect candidate. What I learnt yesterday that made me so frustrated, when combined with what I learnt today explains what God is trying to show me. He is showing me the key elements to developing a healthy relationship with him, He's showing me that the instant gratification my generation is used to is not how He operates and that He chose me, I didn't choose Him, so I better not get it twisted. Lol.
I know I'm moving closer to my target. Where I was yesterday is definitely not where I am today. So I'm very excited about what the future holds with respect to this journey I've embarked on.

That's me done with the 30 Days challenge. I really appreciate everyone that took time out of their schedules to read my ramblings. You guys rock.

DAY 29: FIVE WEIRD THINGS I LIKE

1. Scrapping frost off the fridge/freezer and eating it *covering face in shame smiley*

2. Chewing the little plastic bar that comes with the tag on new clothes. I MUST do this with every new piece of clothing. So if I'm wearing 5 new items of clothing, I'm must chew the little plastic bar or I will be unhappy.

3. Food Network. I am addicted and nobody can watch anything else when I'm around.

4. Indomie noodles. This in itself is not weird but if you consider that from 2002 (which is as far back as I want to count but it does date back earlier than that) till date, I've eaten 2 packets of noodles at least once everyday, it becomes a bit weird. The pockets of time within these periods that I've not eaten noodles, collectively cannot amount to 6 months. I'm so addicted.

5. Stand up comedy. I own about 80 DVDs, 50 of those are stand up comedy dvds. What's not to love really?

DAY 28: PLACES I WOULD LOVE TO MOVE TO AND/OR VISIT

I think the challenge should be "where do you not want to visit" I love to travel. I don't do a lot of it but I really love it. A huge chunk of my salary will definitely be going towards stepping my holiday destination game up.

There are 3 top places I would love to visit; Turks and Caicos, Seychelles and Cyprus.

I've never been to any of the Caribbean islands so top on my list of places I would love to visit is one of the Caribbean islands. My sister has a friend who comes from Turks and Caicos and she has really talked up the island to me. I would definitely love to visit Turks and Caicos.

I would also love to go to Seychelles. A friend went earlier this year and she said it was very beautiful but it is not a place for a single girl. It could make you suicidal!!! As soon as I get a man, WE ARE GOING TO SEYCHELLES!!!

Finally, I want to go to Cyprus. I went to school with some kids from Cyprus and their tales of sun, sand, beaches and food just spoke to me.

A place I would love to move to though is Trinidad. I went to school with the cutest boy from Trinidad. You bet I'm saying "Trinidad" with the island accent in my head right now. Next to boys that speak french, white boys with island accents are the hottest things.

DAY 27: AQUOTE I TRY TO LIVE BY

A quote I love for its simplicity and underlying eloquence is:

"True friends stab you in the front"- Oscar Wilde

I think the quote is self-explanatory. To me, it essentially means be real and tell the truth.I do try to live by it by being upfront with people as best as I can. I think honesty is the bedrock of being a decent person in life. A lot of people don't appreciate honesty but I value it above all else. Honesty is not to be confused with outright cruelty in the guise of "i tell it like it is" rather it is the ability to point out certain truths that people have refused to face and making them understand that it comes from a place of love and concern. I try to be honest with people, I'm honest with and about myself and I appreciate people being honest with me. It is a bitter pill to swallow sometimes but when people keep it 100.....it blows me away, I mean, what more can you ask for?

DAY 26: THINGS I LIKE/DISLIKE ABOUT MYSELF

LIKES:

I like that I'm principled.

I like that I enjoy my own company

I like that I am an acquired taste and people often find that I'm not really who they thought I was when they get to know me. I'm always tickled when people say "you're actually nice" cos I know I am.

I like that as CE says, I'm a contradiction

I like that I have a thirst for knowledge

I like that I'm a meticulous planner of things and if I must do something, I must do it right

I like that I'm very family oriented. I think it helps me remain grounded and be a better person

I like that I'm a loyal friend

DISLIKES

I hate that I'm a procrastinator

I hate that I'm a worry-wart but I don't know what I can do to help that

I hate that I'm not a risk taker because I miss out on a bunch of stuff.

I hate that I'm bull-headed and sometimes to my detriment.

I hate that I become an entirely different person when I get angry

I hate that I'm sometimes a couch potato and instead of going out to do things, I've been known to spend entire weekends on my couch

I hate that I'm sometimes a soft touch and a sob story can have me wanting to empty my account

I kinda dislike the fact that I'm not very patient.

DAY 25: SOMETHING I WORRY ABOUT

I'm almost getting done with my youth service right now and the reality of being an adult is setting in. Something I'm worried about now is finding employment.
For me, this is really hard because I can't decide if I want to practice or if I want to work in an organisation.
It's been my dream to practice forever. Everyone that knows me knows I want to practice law. But I have people trying to discourage me by talking about the meanness of senior partners and the pittance paid to lawyers in this country. Now, I'm beginning to think I'm being too idealistic about the profession and it may not be worth my time afterall. I mean, it is definitely still on the cards but for now, I can't decide if it is what I should go into immediately.
So I can't decide what I want to do and it is making it hard to seek employment. I'm really stressed out about it cos it plays at the back of my mind daily. That's one thing I'm worried about right now

DAY 24: 5 WORDS/PHRASES THAT MAKE ME LAUGH

Most of them are from TV series

1. Ninner-Ninner- Dr. Sheldon Cooper (the big bamg theory)

2. 'I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested' Dr. Sheldon Cooper (the big bang theory)

3. 'Suit up!' In any variation: suit up! Flight suit up! Penguin suit up! Birthday suit up! Etc. Love it! Barney Stinson (How I met your mother)

4. Everything that comes out of Tasha Mack's mouth- Tasha Mack (the Game)

5. Almost every thought that pops into my sister and brother's head, that falls out of their mouths! Mostly very hilarious stuff.

DAY 23: SOMETHING I MISS

I miss a massive number of things but lately, what I’ve found myself missing the most is: BEING A STUDENT! Yes, I miss being a student. I miss the student life, I miss waking up and deciding whether or not to go to class. I miss my student flat, I miss the silly, student things I did e.g. creating a doughnut and Ribena tradition (long story)
I miss the irresponsibility associated with being a student. I was a fully dependent student (thanks daddy) and I only worked cos I felt like it, now, my parents are very gradually extricating themselves from my palaver(as expected) and by next year, they would have fully removed their hand from my life, cos I should be in full time work next year.
I miss course works and examinations being the height of my problems. Now, I’m in the real world and I have real problems. I can’t wake up and decide on a whim that I’m not going to work.
I miss the environment that nurtures and encourages creative thinking, ideas and innovations. This environment has been swapped for one where you just say ‘yes sah!’ and kiss ass, where they ‘have a way we do things here’ even though the way sucks and is not yielding any benefits and there are other, better ways to do things.
I really miss the way I had a brighter outlook to life when I was a student, now my outlook to life is ‘you work, then you die and some little things in between’.
I really miss being a student and if they would let me, I would go to school forever, knowing what I now know.

DAY 22: MY ACADEMICS

Starting from the very bottom; I went to 3 primary schools; Richmab, Ibadan, Santa Maria, Western Avenue, Lagos and Fountain Nur/Pry, Surulere, Lagos. I left school at primary 5 and started the tradition of people not going to primary 6 in my house.

I went to 3 secondary schools as well, F.G.G.C Benin, F.G.G.C Shagamu and Our Lady of Apostles Yaba. Don't ask the reason for he drastic change, let's just say my father has no time for olodo children and was quite mean back in the days. But we love him.

I graduated and didn't get into Uni quickly, so instead of sitting around, gathering dust in my father's house, he shipped me off to Ivory Coast to learn french. I went to L'Universite de Cocody, in Abidjan for a few months to learn french. I have a debutant (beginner) certificate in french. I'm not extremely fluent but I try. I have an average, working knowledge of french.

After that, I went to Ogun State University for about a year which consisted mainly of strikes and things but I had fun.

Then I went to Holborn College, London and I obtained a Foundation degree in Law

Then I went to the University of Derby and obtained a Bachelors Degree in Law

Then I went to the University of Bristol and obtained a Masters in Commercial Law

Then I went to the Nigerian Law School and qualified for the Nigerian Bar (so far, this was the most difficult qualification of my entire life and I still can't thank God enough, even though it is almost a year now)

And that's the time line for my education, so far. I still have designs on an MBA or Msc Management and other little professional courses, so this is by no means the end of academics for me.

DAY 21: How I hope my future will be like

This is very easy; I want the whole "white picket fence" fantasy shebang i.e.

> A better than great relationship with God
> Happily married to the man who is the love of my life and who thinks the sun shines out of every orifice I possess.
> Kids....VERY accomplished kids. Yes, I plan on being one of those wacko pageant mums except my kids are not going to be toddler/teen beauty queens, they will be children prodigies speaking fluent french, spanish and mandarin, playing all sorts of exotic instruments like the tuba or the ukulele or the harp and on and on, excelling in dance and sports and generally pursuing gainful interests that will net them tons of money if they decide to branch out from their (very planned and detailed)academic paths (tho I don't encourage that)
> A very meteoric rise in my career. I see SAN and AG of Ogun State in my future.
>Since I like customer service and sales, I want to own a couple of businesses.
> In the very near future, I want to obtain an MBA or Msc Management so I can diversify my portfolio. It is too legal as it is. And I have my heart set on Ivy League.
>I want to go to the US Cullinary institute at some point. This is a new thing I'm obsessing about
> All in all, for the future, I want to enjoy life, have varied passions and interests, be fulfilled in every endeavour, grow old and know that I accomplished all I set out to do. I'm super excited for my future.

DAY 20: MY FEARS

Sorry for the late posting people. I've been finishing a report sent from the pit of hell to torment me. Thank God it is done.
So, onto today's challenge then.

I'm the original worrywart so I have a hundred- thousand- million worries. I worry about everything from getting married to Nigeria's unity. But I guess my biggest fear is not being successful. Not necessarily 'money success' though I have nothing against that. Success to me is fulfilling destiny. I want to be successful in life, in marriage, in raising a Godly family, in my chosen career cos I love what I do. I want the fulfilment my parents have from doing the things they love, only, I want to do it better than they did.
My biggest fear is being unsuccessful; being unable to succeed in those little things that make life worthwhile. I've see how being unsuccessful can lead to frustration and a wasted life and this scares me.
BUT, I have learnt to put all my trust in Him who makes all things beautiful in His own time. I am assured of an excellent life. So it is not really 'a' fear if I know it is well, is it?

DAY 19: FIVE ITEMS I LUST AFTER

1. A white, 4 bedroom detached duplex with a foyer and extremely lush gardens and a gravel driveway on Cooper Road in Ikoyi.

2. Range Rover Sports in bright, cherry red

3. Roberto Cavalli 5 pieces luggage set in grey snakeskin and suede.

4. 4" royal blue Christian Louboutin peep toes (I have serious Red Bottom lust, right now)

5. A new blackberry (this one sucks) lol

I know, I know, I'm a thief! But.....ask and it shall be given unto you. God will answer my prayers one day sha.