DAY 18: A PROBLEM I'VE HAD

Anger. That's one serious problem I've had and though it is getting better, I'm still struggling with. I'm a perfectly happy person and I can take a joke as well as a next person, but when my 'angry button' is triggered, I go from sweet smiling cherub, to neck spinning chick in The Exorcist. The worse part of my anger is that if I open my mouth, anything can fall out. It is not easy to repair a friendship when you've called someone out during a moment of anger, I tell you.
When I was leaving secondary school, people wrote in my 'signing out' book that I should learn to control my temper and the things I say when I'm angry. My anger is not even anger anymore, it is blind rage.
Things are more improved now. My new thing for the past couple of years is mustering all my will power to make sure I keep quiet when I'm angry. It is working well but there's obviously still room for improvement and on the plus side, I don't get angry very often. So things are on the up and up.
That's one of the problems I've had (and still have)

DAY 17: SOMETHING I'M PROUD OF

Growing up, I had a fairly rocky relationship with my parents, especially my dad. We hardly ever spoke except when we talked about school. We didn't see eye to eye at all. He felt I was irresponsible and unserious. I felt he didn't know me and so he couldn't make that judgement. My mum and I also had our issues.
My parents felt I wasn't being a good role model to my siblings especially in respect of my academics. They both felt I wasn't applying myself. It was sort of true. I did the barest minimum to scale through secondary school. I just wanted them to leave me alone.
Then I went to college and by the special grace of God (cos it was definitely God) I graduated top of my class. At that moment, my relationship with my parents turned around. Personally, I felt so good and I never wanted to go back to being that person who didn't try hard enough and this was my attitude throughout my educational career. When I was revising for my bar exams, my father told me to take a break. That's how far our relationship had come. Now, he thinks I work too hard.
My sister has done better than I've done in her academics and it makes me feel great when my parents reference me when talking about her successes.
My father calls me the flagship. He involves me in my siblings upbringing and in every family decision. I got my first article published in a legal magazine last week and my dad told me how proud he was of me.
I'm proud that I've become the daughter my parents wanted and knew I could be. I'm proud that they can see how responsible I am and how hard I work. I'm proud that my siblings are doing well because I'm a good example. I'm proud that my uncles and aunts say how positively I've influenced their kids. I'm proud that my family in general and my parents in particular, are proud of me.

DAY 16: SOMETHING I THINK 'WHAT IF' ABOUT

Eh....I'm not a 'what if' person at all! So CE suggested that I do a couple of 'what ifs' so here goes

What if I had been born a boy? I would have become an ashewo

What if I got pregnant in secondary school? I would have been killed!

What if I hadn't studied law? I would have been selling pepper cos I don't know what else I could have studied. I no know maths!

What if I had gotten married to the first guy that asked? I would probably be divorced.

What if I wasn't the first child. Unthinkable!!! I like bossing people about.

This is silly. I know it is. But I really couldn't come up with any serious what ifs and that's why I didn't post yesterday. Sorry guys.

DAY 15: MY ZODIAC SIGN AND ITS EFFECT ON MY PERSONALITY.

I'm Gemini: the twins. I was born on the 26th of May, so I fall under this sign. I've never really ascribed any importance to zodiac signs. I knew mine was Gemini and that was about it. I didn't know what it meant or didn't mean. So to do this challenge, I had to research my zodiac sign and it turned up some pretty interesting things.

Apparently, on the positive side, Geminis are adaptable, versatile, communicative, witty, intellectual, eloquent, youthful and lively and on the negative side, we are nervous, tense, superficial, inconsistent, cunning and inquisitive. A Gemini is dual-natured and as such is elusive, complex and contradictory. Gemini's are easily bored and they need new interests regularly and when things don't go their way, they resort to cunning. They love cerebral challenges because they are intuitive and brilliant. they have a voracious appetite for knowledge which is contradicted by their short attention span. In love, they are hostile to sentimentality. They are dispassionate, logical, rational and analytical which makes them good lawyers and scientists to name a few potential Gemini careers but this also means they can thrive as tricksters.

So do I agree with all these? To a large extent. I would say that I'm most of those things, versatile, lively etc plus, dig this, I'm a lawyer! What are the odds? Moving on. I'm also very neurotic and a worry-wart so yeah I agree to nervous and tense. I've been known to tell a few fibs but who hasn't? But generally, using cunning to get my way is not really my thing. I'm superficial to the extent that I like good things and like to be well turned out but being superficial as a way of life, not really. What I found fascinating was the being 'hostile to sentimentality' that was funny. I do hate a lot of mush. I think there should be a healthy balance. Don't do overly mushy at all. I am logical, dispassionate et al. It drives my mother mad. She thinks I'm too 'oyinbo' for the Nigerian setting. I blame all of that on my dad.

I think there are reasons we are the way we are. We are a product of our environment and our upbringing. We all have good and bad sides (at least, that's what I believe and that's what has been my experience).
I was raised by a father who didn't see gender and raised me as he would a boy. So I'm very logical about things. I have siblings who are younger than me so naturally, I worry about them.Everything can be explained away by events in and circumstances surrounding my life. I'm the way I am because I have lived and life has shaped me to be this person not because 'my sun is aligned with mercury'. I don't believe in the zodiac sign hokum but that could just be the dispassionate, logical, rational and analytic gemini in me speaking. Lol.

P:S: I would like to welcome the new followers of the blog....in fact everyone following this blog. I haven't officially welcomed anyone yet. I do a crazy jig anytime I see a new follower. You guys are absolutely awesome for making a sado like me extremely happy by being my 'Cherry'cocos. mmmmmwwwwaaaaaahhhhhh.

DAY 14: WHAT I WORE TODAY

Ok so this is what I'm wearing now cos I'm dressed for work. Though you can't see the full length, it is pretty self explanatory; the red skirt is a knee length pencil skirt and I wore it today cos I love a pop of color and I'm not going to let their dreary somberness in Nigeria stop that. The outfit was completed with some heels and my newly acquired Marc Jacobs bag which I'm sooooo happy with. Thanks TL *huge smile*
P.S: Ignore the messy bed. The time I should have used to lay my bed was taken up by picture taking for you. So no judging.

DAY 13: MY BODY AND HOW COMFORTABLE I AM WITH IT

This is a serious one o. My body…..let me start by describing myself. I’m really small,I'm what is described as petite. I’m 5’1 and I weigh about 54-56 kg. I have what has been described by many as ‘big boobs’ , I DO NOT have a flat stomach, I have a fairly average bum and what has been described as ‘long legs for such a short girl’ lol. I stopped growing at 13…..poor me. From 13 till about 17, I absolutely HATED my body. I wanted to be taller, I wanted to have skinny, skinny, skinny waist like that of a monkey, you know, the one you could wrap two palms of the hand around. Most of all, I wanted a giant butt that one of my favorite comics, Somore said you could place a drink on and I wouldn’t notice. I wanted a big ol’ ass. I had friends with amazing bodies and I didn’t understand why my baby fat left my body and took up residence in my stomach and why all the fat that was meant to be shared equally between my breasts and my ass was greedily hoarded by my ass. I’m ashamed to say I spent a lot of time crying about my hideous body and comparing it to my svelte sister’s body. I did all I could to get the body I wanted . I did sit ups, I drank lots of water, I even developed a liking for beans cos old wives’ tales tells us that beans helps you grow taller. I learnt the art of ‘sucking and breathing’ sucking in my belly and still managing to breath and not look uncomfortable. The fashion of the day demanded that you had a flat tummy. I so desperately wanted to wear crop tops like my friends. So I learnt to suck and breathe.
But with maturity comes revelation. These days, I LOVE my body. I think I’m kinda hawt, if I may say so myself. I may not have a flat tummy, but having learnt to suck and breathe all these years, that’s not a problem. Sometimes, I forget to suck. If it bothers you that I don’t have a flat tummy, look elsewhere. With the advent of Dr. 90210, I’ve learnt to be appreciative of my ‘big boobs’ which God gave me entirely for free. I’ve grown into myself. And all those years of agony were character building. I’ve learnt to accentuate the positive and work with the negative. I now know that NOBODY is perfect. If celebrities can have cellulites, what on earth am I crying about? The little negatives are not flaws, they are unique identifying marks. I’m not the most gorgeous girl in the world, but I’m hella cute. I’m under no illusions as to how I look. I am happier now for accepting the things I cannot change and learning to cope with them. I think our bodies are God’s way of showing us how to handle the problems of life; they can’t be perfect but they are what we’ve got and we have to learn to deal with them. I’m grateful for how I look. When I get compliments on my looks, I thank God because I have been ungrateful in the past not realizing that some people would be short rather than disabled, would like a big, problem free tummy, instead of a flat one with cancer. We should be grateful for what we have and now, I think my body totally rocks and I defy you to tell me otherwise!

DAY 12: 5 GUYS I FIND ATTRACTIVE

I've been chomping at the bits to do this post. But God has been so good in creating these lovelies so how can I pick just 5? I am completely despondent. But, I have selected 5 guys who are divine and extremely yummy. Kai! God you are good sha. Hot, hot men. Disclaimer: this is by no means an exhaustive list. I'm sure after I post this, I will remember some other hotter guys and beat myself up over it. But since my hands are tied, these are my yummy someborrys in order of how they appeal to me:

Boris Kodjoe: Oh! Hawt! Hawt!! Hawt!!! From the warm chocolate/honey brown eyes to the yummy square jaw to the lips you want to chew off and keep as a trophy to the to die for body and the incredible height. This right here is what is called "hot mocha chocolata". O ti fine ju. How did Nicole Ari-Parker land all o' this? They should be real in "Brown Sugar", there is no way a girl is passing up all of this for Taye Diggs' short arse character. They should have reversed the role jare. Nobody believed that booty for a minute. I just think he is yummy and absolutely to die for. I'm stalking him on twitter. I don't follow celebs but I follow this one. Hotness personified.

Lance Gross: Oh my! Oh my!! A beautiful man if I ever saw any. He's just hot and he
looks like a pretty happy brother. I love his toothy grin. Look at that body and the intense eyes. He's just the kind of man that would say "baby, come over here and get this lovin'" and you will break your neck and walk over hot coals just to go get some lovin'. He's hot. Yes indeedy.

Pooch Hall: He's such a cutie. He is the cute boy of my list. With a killer bod and an air of mischief about him. He looks like a fun, hot guy. I like cute guys. Over-finess renders me speechless so cute guys are where it is at with me. Pooch is definitely that. I loved him as Derwin in the game.

Ryan Reynolds: The token white boy on my list and you can see why. Phwoooaaarrr. I
loves me some Ryan. He's a triple threat: fine, funny and fit. Who didn't like that bit in The Proposal where he jammed Sandra Bullock with all that fyyynnneee in its naked glory? And she had the nerve to be going "oh , oh, get it off me....blah, blah, blah" Yeah right, Miss Bullock. On second thoughts.... we've seen your type, dungarees wearing, grease monkeys. Don't slay me Sandra Bullock lovers. I love her too. I'm just saying she may not have appreciated my Ryan cos of that stinking grease monkey, Jesse.

Blair Underwood: What? Cherrywine are you serious?? Hell yes I'm serious. Blair is a fine old man. He turned me on to what it meant for a man to be fine when I saw him in Set it off many moons back. I adore Blair. And there should be a grey top on every list. He's a distinguished, older, gentlemen and I adore him. He doesn't look bad either.

There you have it. This is an endless list but I will just stop here and say to all my other 'husbands' (in my mind o) that I didn't mention. You all have a special place in my heart. I heart you guys!

DAY 11: MY FAMILY

I'm so sorry I didn't post yesterday. My BIS expired and I've not had access to a computer with internet access. So sorry guys. This won't happen again.

I'm from a family of five of which I am the first child. We were formerly four kids but my immediate younger sister died 16 years ago. We still miss her but God has been faithful.
My father is the typical African man and embodies most of what I want my husband to be. He is the provider and he takes great pride in it and would nor tolerate any usurping of his position. He's my role model. We are both lawyers and I call him my business partner. He calls me 'flagship' a very unfun nickname but I'm his first child. He's a wonderful man and the best father EVER.
My mum is the lynch pin that holds the family together. She's a strong, praying woman whose goal in life is to raise successful, Godly and loving children and I think she has achieved that. My mum and I didn't always get along but as I've gotten older, we've become the best of friends. She's the epitome of the virtuous woman. Prayerful, loving, strong, dedicated, strict and all that good stuff. She inspires me to be a better woman and person in general.
My sister is a cheeky little monkey. She's fly, fabulous and fun. There's never a dull moment with my sister. We have our moments that we don't get along cos she's a monkey, but I love her pieces. Plus she has great shoes I always get to borrow. It is fun to have a sister that wears your shoe size and cardigan size too *huge shit eating grin*. She is so ambitious, it is scary. I love it cos if you don't have drive, what then do you have? She keeps me on my toes.
My brother is another cheeky monkey. He's so painfully cool and stylish. He gives me so much jokes and he's the go to guy for movies, series and songs. I love my brother because he's just so sensitive and sweet. He will go out of his way to make his sisters comfortable. I think he will make some girl a great husband someday if he can rein in his temper.
We are a relatively close family unit even tho we don't get to spend a lot of family time together cos we have extended family living with us. I enjoy spending time with my family and I miss them a lot when I'm not with them. We talk for hours and hours and age, time and distance melts away when we are kicking it. I love my family and I couldn't have asked for a better one.

DAY 10: 10 SONGS FROM MY SHUFFLED PLAYLIST

Sorry this is coming late.

1. Case: Missing you
2. Igho ft. Chuddy K- The way you wind it
3. Fabolous: Can't let you go
4. Jay Z ft Alicia Keys : Empire state of mind
5. Jamie Foxx ft T.Pain: Blame it
6. Jeremih ft Esther Dean: Birthday Sex
7. Whiz Khalifa: Black and Yellow
8. Shank: Julie
9. Gabrielle: Dreams
10. Ebenezer Obey: Oba

DAY 9: HOW IMPORTANT I THINK EDUCATION IS

I know worldwide, education is not essential. It is a plus but it is not the be all and end all. Richard Branson isn't college educated. Sir Allen Sugar doesn't have a degree. Bill Gates and the facebook guy dropped out of Harvard. Book smarts is not everything. Having a fantastic idea and being goal oriented enough to bring that idea to a global audience sure does kick book smart's ass. In some cases. In jand work expereience is prided over all else. A friend's boyfriend was trained at Merrill Lynch by a guy who never darkened the doors of a university but got a job at Merrill from when he was 18 or so and had racked up over 10 years experience. So world over, education is not everything

Personally, I place an extremely high value on education. I'm Nigerian. Nigerians value education very highly. That is why almost everyone walking the street is a graduate. I'm a product of my environment. You are seen as a wastrel if your parents can afford an education and you didn't get one and even if you can't afford an education, graft in Nigeria is striving to educate yourself above all else.
I personally cannot date an uneducated person. I would make him feel inadequate. It is the one snobbery I inherited from my parents. My father is an Insurance Broker. He got an Msc in Banking and Finance when I was about 5. He got a Law degree and was called to the Nigerian Bar when he was almost 50 and now he's a Reverend and in theological school. My mother owns a series of wholesale businesses and when she was about 45, she got a Masters Degree in Management. I asked her what she wanted to do with it, she said she wanted to put it under her pillow and sleep on it. My younger sister and I both have Masters degrees.It is just an extension of our degrees. This is a situation that is replicated in most middle class families in this country. That's the least I expect from a partner. Call it lofty ambitions but I want a highly educated brother just because!

I worked with a 16 year old boy once in a crappy job at sports world and all he wanted was to work his way to the top. No more education at that age. I was stunned. In this country, there is a very high emphasis placed on education and I think it teaches us to reach for the stars (in their own twisted way) Even that golden generation that left secondary school and got on the job market immediately, later got affected. My aunt worked for Union Bank straight after school for 30 odd years and in the early 2000s, the Bank insisted that people like her upgrade themselves. She left. In ADB, Gatemen have Bachelor's degrees. Those that got in early were told to get Masters Degrees if they wanted to stay on.
Education has its unique value that it adds to your life. You can't scorn book smarts cos no matter how rich you get, you still need persons with book smarts to take care of business for you from time to time. A doctor for your health, a lawyer for your contracts and an accountant for your money to name a few. But I see why experiences count. An HR manager told me that the problem she has with Nigerians is that they are overly qualified, educationally and have zero experience. Well, that's our culture and we think it is sound to be that way until we are refused jobs or promotion due to our lack of experience. The holy grail is clearly having the combination. My cousin FA and my sister WLA have the best of both worlds. FA has a fantastic degree, she's got her Masters, she's in Law School and she has had the most fantastic internships in exotioc parts of the world, when she's ready to hit the Job market, she will be surrounded. My sister's degree is in Economics and her Masters in International Development. She's worked with a lot of international organisations as an intern. Education got them these internships. These two ladies are educated, smart and have had the requisite experience. They will do well on the job market. I don't subscribe to just experience alone. So I place a high stock on education. A great degree has a lot to say for itself.

DAY 8: WHAT I ATE TODAY

Sorry this is coming late. 3 day conference is killing me so thank God today is a fairly easy one.

BREAKFAST:
2 x mini BLT sandwiches
1 x puff-puff
1 x cup of tea

LUNCH
Spagetti with minced meat sauce
Salad
Goat meat pepper soup
Chapman

DINNER
2 x packets of noodles
Ribena.....cos Ribena children are healthy children ;D

That's my meal for today.


P.S: I will reply to the comments made on the pet peeves post as soon as I can get my hand on a computer with internet access or a more sophisticated phone than mine. I'm having to do my post on my bb cos my subscription expired on my ipad and I haven't been to my office in 2 days thanks to this conference. It is ruining my blogging life!!!!! Great food tho.

DAY 7: 5 OF MY PET PEEVES

I am going to be extremely busy at work today so I decided to do this post early.
This is one day when I don’t have to think long and hard about the things
that just make my skin crawl. I am not happy with the 5 item limitation
though. But it will do. As CE will say “Cherry, you too get rules” I don’t,
really. Some things are really just gross and should not be done. So here
are some of my pet peeves.

  1. Spittle hanging on the corner of people’s mouth when they are talking:
  This grosses me out. Really, what are you saying that is that deep that you
  haven’t taken time to notice that there is a huge wad of saliva
  bungee-jumping off the side of your mouth??? My mother says ‘iro no la ba ni
  ibe’ that means you are probably lying, this one that you can’t take the
  time to quickly dart your tongue out and retract the saliva. As an off-shoot
  of that, people that spit when speaking to people. I accept the occasional,
  one-off spray but when it is every day you ‘water’ me with saliva, please
  let us keep the conversation limited to the phone so you can drench your
  phone and not me. There’s really no need to talk so viciously that you expel
  saliva



  2.  The word ‘Hubby’ and people that use it. That word irritates me. Is
  ‘husband’ such a task to say that you feel the need to shorten it? ‘My hubby
  and I are in town’. It is even worse when it used in a yoruba sentence ‘emi
  ati hubby mi wa ni Abuja’ Aaaaaaaarrrrrggggghhhhhh. I hate it, hate it, hate
  it. All those that use it, should be cornered and given 25 Haddi Lashings.



  3. Lack of phone etiquette: You know the people talking on the phone and
  you can hear them from 10 miles away? Ok, what is up with that? I don’t
  dislike them as much as people that call your phone and say (very rudely
  too) ‘who is this’. Are you kidding me? You freaking called me. I just hang
  up  because the alternative is to say “I will find you and kill you if you
  ever call this phone again”



  4. That one, extra long, pinky finger nail that some very tacky guys
  have. WHAT IS IT FOR? Are you going to turn yourself to a human implement
  like say a screw driver or a knife or a potato peeler? Someone once told me
  that they use it to pick food out of their teeth. Ok Geniuses, that’s why
  cavemen invented the nifty little pack of wood known as toothpicks



  5. Hair on women’s legs: Jehovah Jireh my provider! Women, hair on the
  legs is not a good look except you are a female tuber of yam or a female
  monkey. If you are not,(and especially if you are under 55) throw some Veet on that shit and shave it off. Ditto 'bear-bear', armpit hair and if you are going to the beach/pool and
  wearing a swim suit, vag-hair. If it is not hair that you want to plait or
  put weave-on on, it has to come off.  Let’s keep it neat people.

There’s a lot more. A whole lot more. But I shall rest my case here.

DAY 6: MY VIEW ON MAINSTREAM MUSIC

I have a very eclectic taste in music. I am a huge fan of music. I think music is so powerful and I am extremely jealous of people that have musical talent; be it the ability to rap, to sing, to write songs, to play musical instruments etc. cos I have none, nada, zilch. With regards to mainstream music, I listen to mainstream music, I enjoy a few but in general, I’m not a huge fan. Anyone who knows me knows I LOOOOVVVEEE the old good-good. Shout out to my friend Ahmed Ajayi who finds random songs and sends them to me. You rock, amigo.
Like I said earlier, I love all kinds of music (except heavy metal). But I’m going to talk about rap and R&B and why I am so completely over them. I’m a huge fan of rap but when all I hear over and over again is bitches and how coitous must be had with bitches cos the rapper just got out of jail for shooting a bitch-nigga and he has money and is drinking patron in his buggatti with 22s whilst grinning like a loon and pointing at his blinged out teeth and neck, I zone out. I think in that one sentence, I’ve covered all the rap topics i.e. bitches, jail, beef, money, alcoholism, cars and bling. Don’t get me wrong, I KNOW current rap cos I have an 18 year old brother and it is what is played on the radio (I listen to the radio a lot in my car cos my cd player is temperamental and my auxiliary cable is touchy )

What happened to old rap where the rappers were forlorn and love-lorn? When LLCoolJ was looking for love? (I need love) When JayZ lost the best girl he ever knew? (Song Cry ) Craig Mack announcing himself to the world (Flava in your ears) the happy rappers (Sugar Hill Gang- Rappers Delight) the political rappers (RUNDMC- It’s like that ) and no, My President is black does not qualify as political rap. Rap isn’t about anything, anymore. Just a bunch of arrogant babies running around, bragging on what they have and forming unnecessary beef. We still have conscience rappers, Common who was doing then (Come close) and still doing it now, Talib Kweli. But mostly, all we have are knuckle heads with more money than sense. I’m just not getting any message from rap anymore. The funniest joke in rap is when they come out and say they are a movement. No sweeties…..Martin Luther King was a Movement. Put that on a scale of preponderance and see if ‘your’ movement qualifies because people from your hood are doing the ‘pretty boy swag’. Rappers have a lot of influence on mainstream culture and it is probably why they get away with making bad music and passing it off. So as for rap as a mainstream genre, I’m not a huge fan of the new, give me some of the old.

As for R&B, I’m sick of these little heifers that can’t sing who are getting record deals because they are 'brandable’and 'marketable'. I’m talking to you, Keisha Cole! I was watching E the other day and Kim Kardashian was recoding a song!!!! Wow. On Real Housewives of Atlanta, that blonde aristo bimbo recorded a song and she sounds like 50 cats being strangled with guitar strings! The entertainment world has gone nuts and I really want none of it. You have the singers that do well, but the filler pieces make me sick. I’m tired of all the gimmicks and notice-me antics of the entertainment industry….Lady Gaga….need I say more?

There are very few people in this generation that are really doing it for me. I'm loving Jill Scott, Marsha Ambrosius and Anthony David sooooo much right now. They are doing great, neo-soul songs for the grown sexy but I like old songs. I prefer them to new music. I like the people that got to the top by sheer graft and talent, not all these ‘talent’ (using the word loosely) show generation ones. People that sang amazing songs and looked like they had been in a bottle fight. Roberta Flack was no prom queen, but she sang the iconic ‘Killing me softly’. An amazing song by all standards. The girls from Detroit: Anita Baker, Diana Ross, Aretha Franklin, the other queens of R&B, Patti LaBelle, Chaka Khan, Tina Turner…… the sheer power in those voices…..my goodness. Anita Baker and the boys from BBD (Bell, Biv, Devoe) single handedly got me through the long nights of writing my Masters dissertation, alone in the 24 Hour Room. Those songs speak to me on a level that new songs don’t.
They talk to me about a deep love and connection and happiness that is lost on

this generation of new artistes. Lenny Williams cried throughout an entire song just to let a girl know how he feels (Cause I love you) now that’s love. These songs have stood the test of time because they are about ‘something’. They are beautifully written and the creative process for the beats are on point which is why they are sampled and over sampled because they were the good shit (excuse my French) These modern songs are nothing but fluff pieces to me.
In addition, I’m sick of all the illuminati rumors. All these stars rumored to be selling their soul to the devil just for relevance. They may be rumors but I say there is no smoke without fire. Why aren’t they doing it the good, old fashioned way? Through drugs and talent like the old dudes did??!!!!!!
All I’m saying is that as far as I’m concerned, there’s not a lot that recommends current mainstream music. The musicians that are doing it well are a handful and this is not to detract anything from them. But music is now a medium of outrageousness and classlessness. Give me old songs anytime of the day. Teddy Pendergrass does it for me more than Trey Songz ( but I love Trey Songz tho. He’s a cutie)

DAY 5: THINGS I WANT TO SAY TO MY EX

This is a bit difficult because dredging up memories from my past is not my thing. I always try to look ahead and chalk everything down to experience. And I'm not quite sure I WANT to say anything to my ex. But I did commit, so here we go:

The break up was difficult for me initially cos the relationship lasted a whooping 3 months so it was still in the 'honeymoon' stages for me and I wrongly assumed that cos I felt that way, you did too.
I get why we had to break up and in general, I wasn't mad about the break up itself. What I was mad about was how you went about the whole thing. I didn't get was why it took so long for you to get it over and done with, why you strung me along and why you put me through hell just cos you didn't want to be in a relationship anymore. I would have respected your decision and respected you more as a person if you had bit the bullet and did the damn thing as soon as you knew it was a no-no. Instead you kept me in the dark and had me discussing my relationship with people, trying to figure out what was wrong. That cut me deep.
When I had gotten over myself (over you too but more over myself) I realised, I was the only person in that relationship. I deluded myself into thinking you were in it with me. 'You're chatting shit, Cherrywine. We were in it together' but were we tho? You were so jumpy around other women. You wanted me but not all the time. I'm not that girl who takes some or nothing. I wanted all of you or nothing at all, but I decided that I liked you and things will get better. On the day of my highest achievement, you couldn't even celebrate me by putting my picture up for the whole day cos your 'women' were buzzing your phone off the hook. Yes it sounds silly but it is one of the examples of how inconsequential you made me feel but yet, I put up with it.
And then you turned around and hurt me with an information that I gave you in a way that could have been better managed but wasn't. That wasn't one of your finer moments, trust me. It was never meant to be cos you weren't the person I thought you were anyways. In 3 months you messed up in more ways than I care to remember and now you want to be friends. That's jokes. How do you define friendship? For me, my friends are people I trust to have my back whenever. You betrayed my trust and you want us to be friends???? On what is this friendship to be built on? I don't trust you, I barely like you as a person, we don't have that much in common any more, so a 'friendship' in the real sense of the word is not quite possible at least, not right now. Your problem, like I've always told you, is that you're a people pleaser and you want everyone to like you. That's not possible. My friendship or lack thereof doesn't affect the price of fish. I just want to live my life hoping that I've forgiven what I need to, forgotten what I need to and move on from it all and I need you to respect that and pretty much stop trying to make me feel bad that I won't be your little friend. If we are meant to be friends, we will be.

All things happen for a reason though and I thank God for the lesson I learnt through you. I have learnt NEVER to impose my will on God ever again. Through you, God showed me that my own preferences do more harm than good to me and that I should commit all my ways to him. I did learn from this experience. I learnt: that immaturity is not the same thing as being cute and I don't have to put up with it as I'm not your mommy, that looks are only skin deep, not to ever lean on my own understanding and trust in what people say, to guard my heart jealously and stop letting any and everyone into my personal space and not to ever settle for less than the best again in my entire life. I'm God's princess, I'm my father's princess why settle for a man who will not treat me like the queen that I am? It doesn't even bear thinking about. I've tried to re-assess the relationship to understand why I felt it was an ok relationship. The only answer I've come up with is : cos I really wanted it to be. I didn't want to believe that after a 5 year cooling off period, I ended up with the same person in a different skin and with a different name. But that's exactly what happened. I think it is a KC boy thing :D (I'm just playing o CE) I realised that I didn't miss you as a person I missed being a 'couple', I don't know if that makes sense. I just didn't want to fail at another relationship. I can't remember one deep conversation we had. That's why it was so easy to get over this relationship cos I realised it was only serious in my head.
I don't hate you and I need you stop telling people that. It is much worse than that.....I am indifferent to you. I don't like you, I don't dislike you, nothing. I really just don't feel anything for you at this point. Judas died for betraying Jesus even though he had to betray Him for the prophecies to come true. I'm indifferent to you cos even though I discovered new things about myself and people in general, for which I'm grateful, that's a fall out from the break up. But if there is any deep seated resentment that I'm not dealing with eg forgiveness etc, I pray God helps me through that.

Things can't be the way you hoped they will be tho. You claim that I'm cold and I don't want to make the effort. All I have to say to that is: Really??? I couldn't even make the effort if I tried. Plus we are no longer together and I SHOULDN'T have to make such efforts anymore and you can't imagine how liberating that is. As for being cold......again, Really??? Here I was thinking I was being as nice as possible. Oh well, c'est la vie. Some parts were fun whilst it lasted but man cannot live by fun alone. I'm in a great place now and I'm very excited about the direction my life is headed. So I wish you well and I pray God grants you direction.

DAY 4 : MY DAY IN BULLET POINTS

I'm in Lagos visiting my family and today couldn't have been more uneventful. This is one of the most boring days of my entire life. Why wasn't this challenge yesterday when I was at an 'owambe'???? But I committed to the 30 day challenge, so whatever *sighs* I took a leaf outta Laurenta's book (or blog) and I decided to wait till the day was over before doing the post, desperately willing and hoping against hope that something exciting will happen. But guess what? NOTHING HAPPENED. I got excited just now when I heard a funny sound, only to discover it wasn't a funny sound, it was a plane passing. Anyways, accept my meagre offerings.

My day went thus:

• Woke up at 7:12
• Went to church
• Took my mum to the airport
• Got frustrated with my mum at the airport but I still love her
• Experienced Lagos' torrential down pour first hand
•Cooked lunch. Rice, plaintain and fish stew
• Slept for like 2 hours
• Watched 'She's out of my league'
•Did the dishes
•Tidied my room and my wardrobe....extremely messy
•Did family prayers
•About to do my personal prayers
Obviously somewhere in between, I pinged, spoke to my family and friends and did this post.
Tomorrow will be a better day IJN. BTW happy birthday to my darling Lara Oshodi. Lots of love babe. Sleep tight my cherie cocos

DAY 3: A BOOK I LOVE

This third day is a bit hard for me because I'm a voracious reader. I would read anything, the back of an orange juice carton, pieces of news over people's shoulder (I'm the annoying person, perched on your shoulder, reading your book, looking all shady like Rumpelstiltskin...yes...I'm ashamed....no....I won't stop) I've read books in all the genres; from autobiographies, to erotica, to thrillers, to crime, to religious books.

Lately though, I've been getting into African authors a lot. Thanks to the good people at Cassava Republic, I've entered a whole new world of writers that look like me and feel the same things I'm feeling. It has been exhilarating. I'm currently reading Tropical Fish by Doreen Baingana, an author of Ugandan descent. Cassava Republic is doing a great job. Apart from Chimamanda Adichie who is currently the darling of the literal world, I'm now aware of other Nigerians doing it and doing it big; Teju Cole, Abidemi Sanusi, Sade Adeniran to name a few, who are keeping the flame of Nigerian Literature alive, continuing the task started by literary giants like Wole Soyinka and Cyprian Ekwensi to name a few

However, the book that has just blown me away was written by Adaobi Patricia Nwaubani an author based in Lagos. The book is titled 'I do not come to you by chance'

The book is essentially about the scourge that is the advanced fee fraud perpetuated by Nigerians known popularly as 'yahoo-yahoo' or '419'. Adaobi tells the story of a young man whose family fortunes have come crashing down but whose parents are taking the moral high ground by not seeking assistance from their wealthy relative whose wealth derives from '419'. But when things take a turn for the worse and the head of the household becomes terribly ill, the young man, Kingsley or Kings as he's fondly referred to, turns to his uncle for help and thus, we are introduced into the world of the '419' like never seen before.

Adaobi performed the herculean task of making these people perceived as criminals seem lovable and you become almost sympathetic to their plight. The villain of the whole piece, King's uncle popularly called 'Cash daddy' becomes the guy you are rooting for.
It is a beautifully written book that opens your mind to a different aspect of what goes on in the underbelly of society and I applaud Adaobi Patricia Nwaubani on her debut novel. It is a masterclass in fine and creative writing. I absolutely love this book.

DAY 2: SOMETHING I FEEL STRONGLY ABOUT

This thing has been all over the news in the past couple of weeks. We all got that forward about the Nigerian man that literally butchered his wife to death on his 30th Birthday. We heard about the Nigerian High Commissioner to Kenya who brutally attacked his wife. Last week, on my way to work, it was reported that a police PR officer whose wife was stabbed to death,claimed she stabbed herself to spite him and put him in trouble. What kind of stupid story is that? I don't believe she stabbed herself, but the dead can't testify. And even if she did, I'm sure she didn't do it to spite him, but probably did it because she felt it was the only way out.

Domestic abuse is getting out of control. Abusers are getting more imaginative and crueler by the minute. It is terrifying. The numbers are scary. Speaking of numbers sef, it is just of recent that domestic abuse became something that was being reported on the news particularly spousal abuse. It has been shrouded in such secrecy and mystery because the abused bear it and believe things will get better. Abuse doesn't get better. It gets worse. In a country like Nigeria, domestic abuse is not even a blip on the radar of those in government (probably because they are abusers themselves). So proactive steps have not been taken to counter it. Some states have some laws that relate to domestic violence and child protection.These laws are at best porous and people don't take much cognizance of them. Lagos State is one of the states with relatively active laws in these regards.
Under the emulation-worthy direction of Mrs Rotimi, the Office of the Public Defender in the Lagos State Ministry of Justice is doing its best to tackle the issues of domestic abuse and child protection. But she can only do so much. People.....no.... women have accepted domestic abuse as the status quo. It is seen as a part of marriage and they don't come forward to report incidences of domestic abuse. There are a lot of reasons for this "oh, he's the father of my children" "oh, if I hadn't annoyed him he wouldn't have" "oh, I don't want people to think badly of him, he's a good man really" and on and on. This is what is known as learned helplessness and excuses. No, he's not a good man, a good man will not lay his hands on you. It makes me sick to the bottom of my stomach when I hear women blaming themselves for their men's inadequacies.

If you put up with it, you are just encouraging him to do more. I know I've said people should persevere in marriage but I'm sure I stated domestic abuse as an exception and if I didn't, well, I think it is. This has to do with you and your life and when he kills you, the children for whose sake you stayed in the marriage, are left all alone.
When I hear that women have been found dead and their husbands were the killers, I know it is domestic abuse that spiraled out of control. He must have started small and gradually increased the tempo till it eventually led to death. The main reason why incidences of domestic abuse are not reported is the shame and stigma attached to it. I took a Domestic Abuse class in my 3rd Year of uni. The lecturer Julia Giramata, was a victim of domestic abuse for more than 20 years. She only began to feel liberated when she started to speak about it. Speak to someone. You're not the one who should be ashamed, he is. A weak bastard that hits women should be ashamed of himself and his lineage. Yes, his lineage. He must have learnt this beastly attitude from somewhere. Women, we must raise men worthy of being called men. You are not a man just because you possess a penis, you are a man when you learn what men do to get respect. Hitting a woman is NOT cool and it doesn't make you a man. Let us raise a generation of REAL MEN. I have an active interest in my brother's upbringing and I've been showing and telling him some things and I pray that he turns out to be the man I want him to be.

And can I just add that physically abusing a woman is not the only way to abuse her. Verbal abuse is just as bad, if not worse than physical abuse. You look at a woman who God has made. A woman who is supposedly the bone of your bone, your helpmate, the mother of your children and you call her useless, worthless, you bring her down, you laugh at her hopes and aspirations, you don't lift a finger to build her up and you wonder what is wrong with her. You have destroyed her psyche and re-altered all those things God told her about herself and she believed. You are a terrible person worse than a murderer because you go into people's heads and kill their dreams and vision and thus assasinate their sense of self.

I can't stand men that abuse women. But I must also speak to the women folk. I love a long courtship because I believe it reveals things. Take time to know the man you want to marry. He can only hide himself...his true self... for so long. I heard somewhere that abusive men would reveal their true nature during courtship. It is true. He must have done something to give you a preview of his true nature. That you were 'surprised' by his action is a lie that the devil told you tell. I have heard of so many girls who in the course of a relationship were controlled, intimidated and even physically abused and still went on to marry those men. You think the bling on your finger will make him a better person???? Quite frankly, there's no 'stupider' move than that.

I feel extremely strongly about this because violence begets violence. It is a vicious and damaging cycle.If you're abused, you can't function properly, you are always jittery and miserable. If you have children, they are learning a miserable way of life from you and your partner. Let us speak out against domestic violence. It is not ok. It is never ok.

DAY 1: 5 WAYS TO WIN MY HEART

Day 1 in the Big Brother House.......5 ways to win my heart. Hmmmmmmmm.......

Ok, so here goes
1. Have Money 2. Have lots of money 3. Have plenty Money 4. Have incredible money 5. Have money ooooo!
I'm just playing......not really.....playing.....seriously

Ok, this is the actual list

1. Have the fear of God: I know a lot of people say this as 'I don't want to look shallow so let me say fear of God before, Tall, Dark and Handsome' but a man really needs to love, fear and obey God. I believe it is the foundation to all things and all reactions you know; the way he loves you his wife, the way he will help to teach your children in the way of the Lord, the way he handles issues in the home amongst others.

2. Be a strong man: This has nothing to do with physical strength(although I'm not against physical strength....) I adore men who know their own minds and have strong convictions. I am a pretty opinionated person and I eat weaklings for breakfast! If you can't stand your ground around me, I will subdue your will and have you wearing a frilly, pink tutu to work. There is obviously a balance to be struck here and a man that knows when to compromise and when not to should just ask me for my ring size right now. We getting married baybay! I think when you know your own mind, confidence just pours out of you and it gives you a presence. There is nothing I love more than 'the presence' it is the Tall, Dark and Handsome of auras. It is a certain je ne sais quoi that is just so attractive.

3. Have Ambition: What drives you? Where are you going with your life? Have a plan, a focus, a goal. Goal oriented people just rub me the right way and challenge me to be better.

4. A fantastic sense of humor: This is pretty much self explanatory: Be funny. I hate dull people. Be able to carry a conversation about wide ranging topics.

5. Be thoughtful: Oh I love a thoughtful man. My friend LM says a man without discretion should be shot. And I agree. I love men that just know what to do and when to do it. I love men that whip out random presents on random days, men who can literally sense what you need and will go out of their way to make it happen. You don't even need money to be thoughtful (well maybe a little bit) Men who call you just to say they are thinking of you (mind you, don't become a freaking stalker, we don't like those)are just so sweet.The examples of being thoughtful are obviously subjective and wide ranging. But a thoughtful man has won at least 25% of my heart without me knowing anything else about him.

That's my top 5. Obviously there is much more but let's go with these for now. A man like this probably exists in the back room of the figment of my imagination.....actually, I KNOW a few men like this. My dad is one. For a man to pry me away from my father, you have to step up to the plate and challenge him in all these things. I love you daddy!!!!. That's all folks!

The 30 day Challenge

Hey y'all. First off, I changed the template. What do you think? Keeper or stinker? Let me know. So I found this 30 day Challenge on Miss Laurenta's blog; As real as it gets and I decided I was going to do it. It should be interesting I guess. I do like to whinge about stuff so welcome to a 30 days, no-hold barred access to my whinging. Lol. I hope I can keep it up and that you guys come along for the ride.

The "hook up" Due Dilligence

I would like to say a big ass thank you to my girl, LM for sharing a very bizarre story with me and being unselfish enough to allow me share it with others. Sorry it took this long tho. I was on God's business. Lol. You rock more than Elvis Presley! Also, this is not a pointed attack at anyone. I promise.

As a single girl with well-intentioned family and friends, being ‘hooked-up’ is something I cannot avoid. I’m in my late twenties and my family and friends have refused my argument that though I am single, I don’t think it is an entirely bad thing. They accept the premise; I am single, they refuse the conclusion; it is not an entirely bad thing. So there has been an endless parade of ‘Cherrywine, I gave this guy your pin….. you may thank me later’ guys. I appreciate my darling family and friends for their long-suffering and tenacity. You are the salt of the earth. Oh , I have been a beneficiary of the hook up many a time. Shout outs to my friends who have made valiant efforts to hook me up, LS-O, DB and AA and my darling cousin, LA. You guys are so great.

Hooking someone up is a terribly nice thing to do. What is a hook up? In this context, it is the act of bringing two people, believed to be a right fit, together by a third party. Sometimes, it really sucks to be alone. And friends who understand this are the salt of the earth. When you are going on a blind date, even though you try to calm yourself, there’s a fair bit of expectation. He could be the ONE! You’ve heard of so and so who were hooked up by their mum’s auntie’s hairdresser who got married six months after the first date.But what does hooking someone up have to with due diligence? Let’s start with what due diligence entails. Due diligence is essentially an act carried out with a certain standard of care. It is a common law principle mostly used in contract and commercial law and it mostly relates to investigations carried out by one company on another when they are in the process of entering a partnership, executing a merger or takeover or an outright buy out. 

To effectively explain the dependencies of these two concepts on each other, I first have to tell you a story……..

Once upon a time, in the city of Abuja, there was a gorgeous girl, LM, who was locked in a flat somewhere in the city. She wondered to herself.....'hmmmm.....how do I alleviate this boredom?' A light bulb went...... ok enough nonsense. Let me just get to the story. So my friend LM, told me this story. We all know Abuja is a very boring place. LM has a very bubbly personality and she cannot abide any lack of action. So she was on the phone with a friend who lives out of town, and she was moaning about how boring Abuja was and how she needs someone to help her ease the boredom. And the friend had a great idea. She said she knows a guy who lives in Abuja and who she thinks would be perfect company for her. And they can take it as fast or as slow as they liked. Fantastic idea. It was the very thing my friend needed; a cute boy with whom to shoot the breeze with very heavy doses of flirting etc. So numbers were exchanged and the first phone call to establish contact was made. they agreed to meet at the pool. LM was hanging out at the pool with her friends, when the hook up arrived with a friend. Amongst LM posse was an apparently openly gay guy. They left the pool and went to a house to chill and while they were all there, LM started noticing some untoward things; the hook up wasn't attentive and didn't appear to be into her, instead, he was paying rapt attention to the gay guy and following him everywhere with his eyes. LM and her gay friend started to dance and they were talking about the hook up and her friend confided in her that the hook up had been all over him since they were at the pool. LM thought to give the guy a longer rope with which to hang himself. Even though she had decided to do this, the hook up's next action surprised her. When the party was about to disperse, in LM's own words "it was as if the guy couldn't hold it anymore and he just damned the consequences and begged for my friend's number and that one kept telling him to ask me for the number as he did not know his number off hand". I believe this was the guy’s way of trying to steer him back to LM but the guy was having none of it.

Need I say more? I don’t need to, but I will. Guys, it is nice to want to hook your friend up but abeg, carry out the hook up due diligence. But CherryWine, why would you hold a person that wants to do you a favor to such a high standard? These people are only trying to be nice to you. True. But here’s the thing, a hook up gone bad can destroy a lot of things including friendships. The hook up is a beautiful thing. When the going is good, you, the hook-upper cannot be praised enough but when things go south, you become the bad guy with terrible friends. So why not save yourself the heartache by conducting your own due diligence before you hook two ill matched people up?

You must consider a number of things before you make a match. Match.com will not randomly throw people together…..ok, I guess it is a bit random but in the words of Dr Sheldon Cooper they use ‘some hokum that passes for science’ to generate a match. So hook uppers, you must get your Match.com on. I suggest you make a checklist. I have here a generic checklist of questions that I feel are relevant. You could ask some other tailor-made questions too but here are my top questions.

a.       Sexual preference: oh yes! We have reached that stage in life where it can no longer be assumed or taken for granted that because a person is a boy, he must like girls and vice-versa. A simple question like ‘so what’s YOUR deal’ *wink-wink* would have gone a long way in helping my friend. If you ask me to hook you up (for those of you that know me personally) don’t be mad when I ask you what your sexual orientation is. No one is to be trusted these days.

b.      Religious background: this is a biggie to many people. My father told me he will not attend my wedding if I marry outside my religion. A lot of  my friends know this. So if you meet a cute guy and you want to hook us up, before I even set my eyes on him, find out if he is someone I can take home to my parents. This way we can weed out the ones that won't make it to my front door.

      Educational qualifications: this may be important to just me.It is very important to me and a few people I know too.Nobody is trying to end with some dick-swinging ignoramus (excuse my french) who doesn't know the difference between Anthrax and Amtrak. Having said that, it may not be important to some people. But it is always good to know.  

d.   Employment: well, does he have a job????  What does she do????  ‘I don’t know” is not a good answer, hook-upper. This is not even about income or whatever. This is about potential.  Yes they are not dating yet, but prospects play a huge role in the eventual decision of a person being hooked up. I don’t want to be hooked up with a guy who finished university in 1998 and has not held down a job since. That would suck cos you’ve hooked me up with…..yup….you guessed it….A LOSER! And 'employment' is really relative. A guy was asking me out and he ran a very successful luxury goods store….he sold designer clothes etc. yes he had money and in his own right, he was successful, that success doesn’t translate to my house. My father would be horrified that I was dating a clothes seller. My father sees those kind of businesses as the concern of women. I'm that girl who cannot date a musician. Not just because my parents will be horrified (they’re  bourgeoisie…oui…oui) but cos I would be horrified personally (I’m also bourgeoisie….oui…oui)

e.       Is he/she married:  yes o. Say what you want but this question is soooooo important. I know so many people that have hooked up with married folks. In this day and age of oshi ati iranu, this is a valid line of questioning. Some people don’t care about marital status but it good they sha know.

That’s for the generic part.  A 'working' knowledge of your friend is necessary to formulate the not so generic questions. These are the little nuances that are unique to specific people and could make or break a relationship. Take me for example, I’m a pretty happy person, I enjoy a good laugh . Why would you hook me up with someone whose sense of humor has been surgically removed? Why?   The biggest lie the devil ever told is opposites attract. Na lie. The opposite they are talking about is not light years apart. It is more I like vermicelli, you like tagliatelle but we both like pasta. There must be a common ground and then maybe a variation of the specifics of that common ground. When you are ready to settle down and the other party is not, that is not a profitable hook up or the type of ‘opposites attract’ you will appreciate. 

Final thots: Hook ups should not be based on face value anymore. You need to know key details so that in the end your friend who you are helping out can make an informed choice and indeed be grateful for your help. If you have done all that you can do in your own rights, the rest is now left to the parties. Nobody is going in blindly without any help to aid them in feeling their way about. I was just so stunned when O heard what happened to my friend and I figured that if a few, key questions had been asked, things may or may not have been revealed but the hook-upper in that case, would have had the satisfaction of knowing that she did all that she could. Please let’s be mindful of each other.